Grassroots

[Bolvar]

You awaken in what appears to be an infirmary. There are a dozen beds in a row in a room with no windows and one door. The walls are solid grey stone. Your muscles are sore, and the light from the lanterns along the wall hurts your eyes.

There is nobody else in the room. You are in a bed covered in white linen, and you are wearing no clothing.

[Mustrum]

Get troll.

[Bolvar]

Get troll.


You have an insatiable urge to get a troll. You can't decide if it's because you really hate trolls, or have an inexplicable sexual attraction to trolls, but, either way, you're disappointed to discover that there are, in fact, no trolls to be seen in the room.

[Mustrum]

Craft toga from sheets.

[Revenant]

Use new-found dignity to look around the room, careful of the blinding light.

[Bolvar]

Craft toga from sheets.


You can't remember who you are, where you are, or how you got there, but one thing's for sure - you're not going anywhere buck naked.

You remove the top sheet from your bed and wrap it around your torso in the form of a crude toga. It fits poorly, feels like it could fall off at any moment, and you'll probably trip and fall if you try to move any faster than a brisk walk in it, but at least your junk isn't hanging out.

Use new-found dignity to look around the room, careful of the blinding light.

You walk gingerly around the room. The stone floor is warmer than you'd expect it to be on your bare feet. Your knees wobble a bit, and you feel a little off-balance and unusually weak.

Your eyes continue to adjust to the light. There is an empty desk at one end of the room, and a large wooden cabinet next to it. At the opposite end is a sturdy wooden door.

[Mustrum]

What the sea pig said. Look room.

[HalfElfDragon]

Get ye flask.

[Bolvar]

Get ye flask.

You feel pretty thirsty, actually. And a good stiff drink might be just the thing to help the sore muscles.

Alas, there is no flask hidden in the folds of your newly made toga, and there appears to be nothing to drink in the room.

[Mustrum]

Take door.

[Bolvar]

Take door.

Seeing as how you appear to own nothing of value, you decide it's time to obtain a few tangible assets and increase your portfolio.

You decide to start with the large wooden door at the end of the room. It looks pretty solid, and will probably fetch enough coin to buy a decent cup of coffee.

Alas, the door is firmly fixed to its hinges, and you have no tools to remove it. In fact, it doesn't even want to open when you pull on the handle.

[Mustrum]

Throw baby.

[HalfElfDragon]

Open window.

[Mustrum]

Open window.

With your face.

Ignore HalfElfDragon.

[HalfElfDragon]

Ignore Mustrum.

[Skytotem]

Shout for help while Looking under bed.

[Revenant]

After shouting, examine self and search the desk and the cabinet.

[Mustrum]

Update faster.

[Bolvar]

Throw baby.

You never did like children. If this were a nursery, you'd be testing your strength to see if you could toss a baby the full length of the room. Alas, there are no babies to throw.

Open window.

It's mighty stuffy in here. Sure would be nice to crack a window. If this room had any windows.


Shout for help while Looking under bed.

You get down on your hands and knees and start looking under the row of beds. The floor is fairly clean, and there's nothing under your own bed except an empty bed pan. You shout for help, your voice coming out in a weak croak, as you still feel terribly hoarse, and even more thirsty now.

After shouting, examine self and search the desk and the cabinet.

You run your hands over yourself to see if you've ended up here as a result of some injury. You seem to be in one piece, with no noticeable wounds or scars. It appears, to the touch, that your hair is cut in the style of a mohawk.

You walk over to the desk and search its drawers. There isn't so much as a piece of parchment to be found. The cabinet contains assorted medical supplies, including:


Twenty Wool Bandages
One dozen empty Crystal Vials
Spare cotton sheets
Two empty bedpans

[Mustrum]

Take a piss on the bedpans.

[Bolvar]

Take a piss on the bedpans.

Seriously, who do those bedpans think they are?

You decide to put them squarely in their place, and remind them who's in charge here.

Sadly, you are dehydrated, and your bladder refuses to produce even a few drops to sate your wrath upon the insolent sewage receptacles.

[Mustrum]

Examine vials.

[Revenant]

Talk with all the furniture and objects, asking each of them to join your party. Then, attempt to push door open, with or without their help.

[Bolvar]

Examine vials.

You pick up one of the vials and take a closer look. They're clean and completely empty. You carefully waft the opening under your nose, and smell nothing. It appears they have never been used.

[Mustrum]

Toggle no-clip.

[Bolvar]

Talk with all the furniture and objects, asking each of them to join your party. Then, attempt to push door open, with or without their help.

Enough of this! You turn on your heel and face the desk.

"We've got to break out of here, soldier! Are you with me?"

The desk stands stoically, awaiting further instruction.

"Good man! You guard the rear as I attempt to breach the doorway!"

You stagger down the row of beds, offering each one a curt salute while you attempt to run on your feeble legs toward the door. When you reach the door, you push and pull with all your might, but it will not budge.

You pound on the door in frustration. You hear the faint sound of a key rattling the lock on the other side.

[Mustrum]

Do that thing where you stick a sheet under a door and then push the key out.

[Bolvar]

Do that thing where you stick a sheet under a door and then push the key out.

You turn to the nearest bed, "An invader! Quick, soldier! Give me your cloak!"

You stumble to the bed and pull the top sheet from it. You rush back to the door and attempt to stuff the sheet under it, just as the door swings open, striking you squarely on the top of the head, and knocking you on your back.

You are now lying on the floor. Your toga has fallen up over your head. You hear a feminine voice say, "Oh, my!"

[Mustrum]

Respond with a hearty masculine "Oh yeah!"

[HalfElfDragon]

Ask what George Takei is doing here.

[Mustrum]

So, uh...don't stop. This is fucking awesome.

[Bolvar]

Respond with a hearty masculine "Oh yeah!"

You answer the as-yet-unseen voice with a confident euphemism... but then you start to wonder...

Ask what George Takei is doing here.

... maybe it's just an effeminate sounding guy (not that there's anything wrong with that), so you quickly pull your toga down and scurry to your feet.

A voluptuous female dwarf in a nurse's uniform towers over you in the doorway, a look of confusion and bewilderment on her face.

[HalfElfDragon]

Seduce the dwarf with your best Robert Downey Jr. impression.

[Bolvar]

Seduce the dwarf with your best Robert Downey Jr. impression.

If only you had a bottle of aged scotch, you could pour yourself a glass while making witty remarks about how brilliant you are.

Instead, the best you can manage is, "Umm, hi."

The nurse walks over and takes you by the elbow, leading you back to your bed. "I can't believe you're actually awake! I'll go get the doctor. You shouldn't be on your feet. Wait here."

She has you sit on the edge of the bed, and walks off at a brisk pace, leaving the door open.

[Mustrum]

Now's your chance! Rally the troops and escape!

Don't forget to take the vials, but fuck the bedpans, they can take care of themselves.

[Bolvar]

Now's your chance! Rally the troops and escape!

Don't forget to take the vials, but fuck the bedpans, they can take care of themselves.

You watch the nurse trot off, and decide you've had enough of this business. You need a drink, a sandwich, and a pair of pants, and you're not going to get them sitting around this dive.

You turn to the cabinet and address the bedpans, "You guys need to create a diversion!"

You stuff the bedpans under a sheet on the bed. It looks nothing like you sleeping, but it will have to do. You snatch a handful of vials and shuffle off out the door.

You enter a large circular room. There is what appears to be a nurses station at the center, and doors to other rooms around the perimeter, with a myriad of beds occupied with people who are sick or wounded. The nursing station is staffed with Dwarf and Gnome women. A few male Dwarves who appear to be doctors are milling around the perimeter on the far side of the nurses station. About ten yards to the right of them is a large archway leading out of the room. The entire place looks like it's been carved from stone.

[Mustrum]

Check personal race.

Put bedsheets over head as a disguise.

[Bolvar]

Check personal race.

Put bedsheets over head as a disguise.

You haven't seen a mirror anywhere, but judging by your pale skin and short stature relative to the dwarf nurse you encountered, you're either a gnome or an unfortunately short dwarf or human.

You decide to disguise yourself by pulling the bedsheet over your head. Because nobody would find a gnome covered in a bedsheet walking through a hospital to be noteworthy. Especially if the act of pulling the bedsheet over your head exposes the lower half of your body (again) and causes you to drop several crystal vials so that they shatter on the stone floor.

Several of the nurses at the nurses' station appear to have noticed. Not that you can see them with your head covered, but because you can hear the giggles coming from their general direction.

[Mustrum]

They're on to you! Run!

[Skytotem]

Demand sustenance. If demand is not met, search for and pillage nearest pantry.

[Bolvar]

They're on to you! Run!

You shuffle off in the general direction of the archway leading out of the hospital.

Demand sustenance. If demand is not met, search for and pillage nearest pantry.

The nurses continue to giggle. Enraged, you shout in there direction, "Hey, why don't one of you broads make yourself useful and get me a sandwich!"

The giggling stops when your blind running leads you smack into the wall just to the right of the archway.

You collapse in a heap, and mutter, "Missed it by that much..."

One of the Dwarf doctors picks you up, pulls your "toga" down to a more modest position, and says, "Nice to see you up and about. Maybe now you can tell us what your name is."

[Mustrum]

Don't tell them anything! You'll never talk!

[Bolvar]

Don't tell them anything! You'll never talk!

You cross your arms defiantly, refusing to give your interrogator anything but name, rank, and serial number.

Except you don't know any of that. You can't remember anything prior to waking up in the infirmary.

You glare, and offer only, "I know nothing!"

The doctor sighs, "Memory loss. I suppose it's to be expected, after being found in the state you were in, and remaining comatose for over five years."

[Skytotem]

You collapse in a heap, and mutter, "Missed it by that much..."

-HA!-!


Also:

Loudly exclaim FIVE YEARS!?


Proceed to demand the story of your life.


Also, also:

"Get Smart."

[Mustrum]

They're trying to break your spirit with lies! But you're more cunning than they realize. Tell them that your name is Alias Pseudonym. They won't suspect a thing.

[HalfElfDragon]

Warn them you have a peanut allergy.

[Bolvar]

-HA!-!

Loudly exclaim FIVE YEARS!?


Proceed to demand the story of your life.


"Five YEARS? I didn't even have to pee when I woke up! How is that possible?"

They're trying to break your spirit with lies! But you're more cunning than they realize. Tell them that your name is Alias Pseudonym. They won't suspect a thing.

But before the doctor can answer, you continue, "No, wait, I don't believe you! No way I was asleep for five years! I know EXACTLY who I am, and I'm not telling you a thing!"

Warn them you have a peanut allergy.

The doctor scratches his beard and raises an eyebrow at you, muttering something about some sort of latent post traumatic stress disorder, then orders a nurse to bring you a glass of water and a sandwich.

"Nothing with peanuts in it! I'm allergic!" you demand.

The doctor suggests that you take a seat at a desk near the nurses station. As this is in the general proximity of several of the female nurses in the room, you are inclined to comply. For now.

The nurse returns and sets a tray before you, containing a ham sandwich and a glass of water. The doctor sits across the desk from you and says, "Look, we have no idea who you are or why you were found half-dead in a cell in Blackrock Mountain five years ago. We'd like to help you."

[HalfElfDragon]

Make an innuendo-laden response about how you'd like some 'help', if you know what I mean. Prepare for the all too likely result of being slapped in the face.

[Revenant]

Clearly you are still in Blackrock, and this is a dark iron interrogation tactic! Their ashen skin must be disguised!

[Mustrum]

Check your resource bar. Extrapolate personal class.

[Skytotem]

Quirk brow suspiciously while devouring sandwich.

[Bolvar]

Make an innuendo-laden response about how you'd like some 'help', if you know what I mean. Prepare for the all too likely result of being slapped in the face.

You jab a thumb towards the group of nurses and lean in towards the doctor, "No offense, doc, but I'd kind of rather have one of them help me out, if you know what I mean."

The doctor places his face in his palm and shakes his head, muttering something about needing to call a priest to see what's wrong with you.

Clearly you are still in Blackrock, and this is a dark iron interrogation tactic! Their ashen skin must be disguised!

Then it occurs to you, "Hey! How do I know I'm not still in Blackrock Mountain! This place looks awfully mountain-ey!"

The doctor gawks at you, and says, "By Muradin's beard, yer in Ironforge, you bloomin' idiot!"

Check your resource bar. Extrapolate personal class.

You consider the possibility that he might be telling the truth, and glance overhead to ascertain that you, as a level 50 rogue, might be pretty good at divining when someone is trying to scam you.

Quirk brow suspiciously while devouring sandwich.

Your appetite gets the better of you. You don't THINK the food is poisoned, but you give the doctor a suspicious glance as you scarf it down.

The doctor regains his composure, and speaks again, "Look, we have no idea who you are. You were brought in here on a stretcher, burned half to death, and given almost no chance to survive. But King Magni himself showed up and demanded we keep you alive and in a secure location until he could speak to you."

[Mustrum]

Magni yet lives? Then that means....












































...your time machine was a success!!!!!!!!!

[Bolvar]

Magni yet lives? Then that means....
...your time machine was a success!!!!!!!!!

Who's Magni? And why wouldn't he be alive?

You ask the doctor, "Well, the King seems to know who I am. Let's just go see him."

The doctor shakes his head. "Hmm... yeah, about that... some things have changed over the last five years while you were comatose..."

[Mustrum]

Awww, man. :(


Ask for explanation, I guess.

[Skytotem]

Assume the world has been conquered by an evil force and promptly (Pretend?) to swear fealty to them.

[Revenant]

Ask if the king left anything for you.

[Bolvar]

Awww, man. :(


Ask for explanation, I guess.

"Wait, what do you mean? Something wrong with the king?"

The doctor replies, "He was turned into a statue of solid diamond while performing a desperate ritual to save Azeroth."

Assume the world has been conquered by an evil force and promptly (Pretend?) to swear fealty to them.

You wonder... this probably means he wasn't successful, and Azeroth WASN'T saved...

"So, ahem, that means the Orcs are in charge now? Lok'tar Ogar, eh, comrade?"

The doctor shakes his head, "No, no, the Orcs helped save Azeroth. Everything's fine now."

He goes on to summarize the events of the last several years. You interject occasionally, saying things like:

"Wait, the High Elves aren't our friends anymore?"

"What's a Drain-Eye?"

"King Varian's back? What happened to that dish, Lady Prestor?"

"What's a Death Knight? And what do you mean by 'faceroll'?"

"Hold on... we defeated the Lich King and the entire Scourge, but one lousy dragon screws up the whole planet?"

Ask if the king left anything for you.

This is a lot to process. Unfortunately, none of it seems to get you any closer to finding your identity or how you ended up where you are now.

"Did King Magni leave anything for me? A note? Some pants? Anything?"

The doctor shook his head. "There were no records. Magni wouldn't allow it. There was a fella from the Ironforge Secret Service (http://scrollsoflore.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4405) that checked in on you a few times after the priests had gotten you healed up, just to see if you'd woken up, but he stopped coming by after a few months, and just asked us to notify him if there was any change in your condition."

"So? Who is he? Did you notify him?"

"We can't. The ISS disappeared completely right before the Dark Irons invaded Ironforge. Rumor is they had an agent on the inside, and since the organization was compromised, someone decided to dissolve it. I never got the man's name."

[Mustrum]

Vanish.

Stealth out of the ward.

[Skytotem]

Rest up, acquire equipment.

Especially daggers.

[Timolas]

But first ask the doctor (or anybody) what race we are.

[Skytotem]

But first ask the doctor (or anybody) what race we are.

Already did that. Gnome.

[Mustrum]

Already did that. Gnome.

More specifically, level 50 Gnome Rogue.

[Exxile87]

Remember the word "Tittysprinkles", assume it must be your name.

[Bolvar]

Vanish.

Stealth out of the ward.

You're still nursing a headache from your last attempt at "stealth." Maybe you should at least wait until you have a smokebomb. And some pants.


Rest up, acquire equipment.

Especially daggers.

A brilliant plan. There's no telling what sort of skullduggery you were involved in prior to your coma. Best to be prepared.

"Say, Doc, this is a lot for me to take in. Do you think maybe I could get some clothes, maybe a few supplies, and rest up someplace?"

The doctor rubs his chin, "Well, we should really keep you for observation for a few hours anyway. Why don't you head back to the room you were in and take a nap? I'll have a nurse bring in some clothes."

You shuffle back towards your room, staggering and nearly falling over and crashing into a medical cart. You help yourself back up, but not before palming a pair of scalpels.

Remember the word "Tittysprinkles", assume it must be your name.

Shortly after getting back to your room, a buxom nurse walks in carrying some folded clothing. She asks you if you remember your name yet, as they need something to put on your chart.

You, being as smooth as you are, and having been without female companionship for over five years, are gawking at her cleavage, and the only thing that comes out of your mouth is "Tittysprinkles."

Glaring, the nurse replies, "Excuse me?"

You deftly recover, "Oh, umm, that was, umm, the name of my cat when I was a child. Kitty Sprinkles. But, umm, I can't remember my name at all right now. Sorry."

Still glaring, she jots down on her clipboard. "Right. Well, we've all taken to calling you 'Riddles' while you've been in here all these years. We'll just stick with that for now."

She leaves, and you get dressed. You are wearing leather boots, cotton pants, a simple cotton shirt, and you have a scalpel carefully hidden up each sleeve.

You leave the door open, and lie down on one of the beds, keeping an eye on the outer room. The infirmary is busy, with persons of all Alliance races coming and going, some to receive care, others to visit friends.

[Mustrum]

Yell out a warning that there's a blue octopus man trying to infiltrate the medical ward!

[Exxile87]

Yell out a warning that there's a blue octopus man trying to infiltrate the medical ward!

Get turned into a pig by Eraatu.

[Mustrum]

Use new disguise to make your escape!

[Revenant]

Loot the twenty wool bandages. They were forgotten.

You lack a helmet. Make use of the cleanest bedpan you can find.

Check if any vials are left.

See if any remaining glassware, like the broken(?) vials or the glass of water, can be taken.

[Bolvar]

Yell out a warning that there's a blue octopus man trying to infiltrate the medical ward!

You notice a Draenei Mage entering the ward. He has a full beard of prehensile tentacles.

"By the Light!" you exclaim, "That man has an octopus on his face!"


Get turned into a pig by Eraatu.


The mage turns to you, unamused, and with the wave of a hand, transforms you into an adorable little piglet.

The doctor addresses the mage, "Yep, that's the guy. He's not right in the head, you know."

The mage replies, "Regardless, Captain Kaos wants to debrief him at the Exodar, immediately. I'll be taking custody of him for transport."

The mage walks over, picks you up, and casts a spell that teleports you to the most alien city you've ever seen. You resume your natural form and he lets you fall to the ground in a heap.

"Wait here." He tells you.

He leaves you in a cell with a table, two chairs, and no windows. The door audibly locks after he exits.

[Skytotem]

Test reflexes to adjust for 5 years in coma.

[Revenant]

Missing your chance for the helm, attempt to refurbish chairs into pauldrons.

[Mustrum]

Pick lock with scalpels.

[Bolvar]

Test reflexes to adjust for 5 years in coma.

You decide to see how nimble you really are after five years in a coma.

You attempt a cartwheel, and crash into the table. Deduct 25 hit points.

Missing your chance for the helm, attempt to refurbish chairs into pauldrons.

The chairs are made from steel. When you attempt to place them on your shoulders, an annoying voice in your head mutters, "I can't equip that."

Pick lock with scalpels.

"Requires Lockpicking 450"

You resign yourself to sitting at the table. After a few minutes, the door swings open. A tall human with short brown hair and a short beard walks in. He takes the seat across the table from you.

"Well, in case you were wondering, you failed miserably in Blackrock Mountain five years ago." He says.

[Revenant]

Ask what you failed at.

[Skytotem]

Demand an introduction from this uppity tallfolk.

[Bolvar]

Ask what you failed at.

Demand an introduction from this uppity tallfolk.

"Now hold on a second." You interject. "Just what exactly did I fail at? And who the heck are you? And how is it I woke up after five years in a coma and didn't have to pee?"

The man considers you for a few seconds, and sighs.

"According to protocol, I shouldn't tell you a damned thing. You were lost in the mountain for over a year before someone found you. You should be considered a compromised asset, and potentially an enemy double-agent at this point."

You throw up your hands in frustration. "I don't even remember my own name!"

"And that much could be a complete farce. But, the fact is, it doesn't matter anymore. Your target not only survived, she's sitting in the Ironforge throne room. You've been out of action so long, even if you were a Dark Iron agent, you'd be completely worthless to them, which is one of two reasons why you're still alive."

"What's the other reason?"

"Before your last mission, you were considered one of the finest assassins in Azeroth. If there's a shred of your old talent remaining, then you might be of use to someone."

You probably shouldn't mention to him that you can't even sneak out of a friendly hospital right now. "Umm... OK. Could you at least tell me my name? And your name?"

The man shrugs. "I'm Captain Jim Kaos. My organization here is all that's left of the ISS. I have no idea what your name is - you never gave it to anyone. You were a ghost agent. We could only contact you by setting up meetings at pre-determined neutral sites with dead-drops and encrypted codes. Nobody knew who you really were or how to find you. Considering your line of work, it was a smart policy."

"So, what now?"

Kaos stood up. "Now we test you. I've reserved a room for you at the inn here at the Exodar under the name 'Riddles.' Here..." He tosses you a small bag of coins. "Go get cleaned up, find some decent clothes, and get something to eat. Wait for my message. I'll have an assignment for you within 24 hours."

And with that, he left the room.

[Revenant]

Wonder what an Exodar is, then open door.

[HalfElfDragon]

Ask if good ol' Leeroy Jenkins made it out alive.

[Erthad]

Throw a Storm Bolt at something.

[Skytotem]

Begin subtle retraining of killing capabilities. (Relearn rotation, reapply talent spec)

[Mustrum]

Respec talents.

Adjust key bindings.

Remember the name Moira, without any context.

[HalfElfDragon]

Do the Safety Dance

[xie323]

Claim to support Ron Paul.

Well this story is called "Grassroots" after all.

[Revenant]

Claim to support Ron Paul.

Well this story is called "Grassroots" after all.

Wonder who Ron Paul is after that outburst.

[Bolvar]

Wonder what an Exodar is, then open door.

What the hell IS an Exodar anyway? You decide to walk out the door, and make your way to the inn.

Ask if good ol' Leeroy Jenkins made it out alive.

You don't remember anything about anyone prior to waking up, and there was no mention of anyone by that name in the recap of recent events given to you by the doctor or Captain Kaos.

Throw a Storm Bolt at something.

Storm Bolts are AWESOME. Whatever they are. As soon as you settle into your room, you resolve to go find a vendor that sells one, just so you can toss it at the nearest convenient inanimate object.

Begin subtle retraining of killing capabilities. (Relearn rotation, reapply talent spec)

Respec talents.

Adjust key bindings.

Remember the name Moira, without any context.

You decide it's a good time to brush up on your skills. You ask the nearest guard, "Excuse me, which way is the inn, and where can I find a rogue trainer?"

The guard answers, "The inn is over there" he points, "but there is no rogue trainer here. The nearest one would be in Darnassus."


Do the Safety Dance

.. all you really need is a mandolin.

Claim to support Ron Paul.

Well this story is called "Grassroots" after all.

You shuffle off towards the inn, muttering something about how someone needs to elect a Libertarian in this place so that all classes are adequately represented.

Wonder who Ron Paul is after that outburst.

Then you shrug and accept the fact that there's no way a Libertarian gets elected in Azeroth's two-party political system.

You arrive at the inn. The innkeeper directs you to your room. It's a simple bedroom, with a bed, a wardrobe cabinet, and a nightstand with a lamp.

[Revenant]

Search wardrobe.

[Skytotem]

Be a little weirded out by, but distantly admire, all the Crystals.

[Bolvar]

Search wardrobe.

The wardrobe is empty. Maybe you should purchase some clothing to fill it.

Be a little weirded out by, but distantly admire, all the Crystals.

The crystals, man, they're like, talking to me. Do you hear the crystals? I hear the crystals, man.

You wipe the drool from your chin, and ponder your next move. There's nothing else of interest in your room.

[Skytotem]

Search out relevant stores through pestering of guard. Can't keep looking like a raggamuffin.

[Mustrum]

Ask what Darnassus is, and how you could find it.

[HalfElfDragon]

Find a flask.

[Cantus]

Practice your knife throwing skills on a local fruit vendor's cart with conveniently attached Elekk in front of large group of drunk guards.

[Revenant]

Practice your knife throwing skills on a local fruit vendor's cart with conveniently attached Elekk in front of large group of drunk guards.

...if such a thing is present.

[Bolvar]

Search out relevant stores through pestering of guard. Can't keep looking like a raggamuffin.

You exit the inn and walk up to the nearest guard, who happens to be a Draenei female. You decide these women look just fine in plate armor, and open with,

"So, sweetcheeks, where can a fellow like myself get a new set of threads."

She raises an eyebrow at you, and says, "I do not believe we have a children's tailor at the Exodar. Perhaps you should make your way to Stormwind."

Clearly, she can't handle this much manhood. "Look, toots, how about you just direct me to the nearest leather armor merchant?"

"Try the trade hall," she glares, dismissively.

Ask what Darnassus is, and how you could find it.

"Thanks, sugarbritches. Also, what's Darnassus, and how do I get there?"

"It's the Night Elf capitol. I could probably punt you from here. Or, you could ask the flight master at the bottom of the ramp."

Find a flask.

You head over to the trade hall. With the coin you have, you manage to purchase a decent set of black leather armor, and a bandolier of cheap daggers to arm yourself with.

You also procure an empty flask.

Practice your knife throwing skills on a local fruit vendor's cart with conveniently attached Elekk in front of large group of drunk guards.

...if such a thing is present.

Time to hone those weapon skills! You target a nearby fruit cart and hurl a dagger at it. You miss the wooden panel on the side and strike a large green melon.

The vendor is not amused. "Hey, buddy... you gonna pay for that?"

"Erm... yep, that's the one. Just ripe enough!" You hand the merchant a few of your remaining coins, and walk off.

You have a full set of vendor-quality leather armor equipped.

You have a bandolier of daggers.

You have two medical scalpels.

You have a large green melon, which is leaking red juice from a small dagger wound.

You have an empty flask.

You have a handful of coins remaining.

[Aneurysm]

Go sit in Velen's lap and tell him what you want for Winter Veil.

[Mustrum]

Buy a flight to this Darnassus.

[Cantus]

Style your hair with the melon juice/meat.

[Bolvar]

Go sit in Velen's lap and tell him what you want for Winter Veil.

You walk over to the vault of lights, and ascend the ramp leading to the Draenei leader, the one they call Velen.

A burly guard steps in your path. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Nope. Just thought I'd chat with Velen for a bit."

"The Prophet is extremely busy, and has no time for trifling gnomes without an appointment. Begone."

Buy a flight to this Darnassus.

You decide you'd rather not dismember the nice guard, in spite of his insolence, and resolve to visit the rogue trainer in Darnassus instead.

You hand the flight master a few coins, and he puts you atop a winged beast that whisks you off toward the Night Elf city in a tree.

Style your hair with the melon juice/meat.

Upon your arrival, you are stunned at the beauty of the city, and its inhabitants - particularly the Night Elven women, half of whom are clad in sheer robes, the other half in form-fitting shining metal armor.

"Boo-yah! Now THIS is a target-rich environment," you exclaim, to no one in particular.

You check your reflection in the lake nearby. Not bad, although the mohawk is getting a tad shaggy. You crack open the melon you're carrying and mash a handful of the contents between your palms, then apply the homemade pomade to your righteous 'do.

Your hair now is shiny, sticky, and smells of citrus. Oh yeah. Come and get some, ladies.

[Mustrum]

Whistle at the nearest purple elf lady. Offer to show her your 'third knife.'

[Erthad]

Look for a vender that sells Storm Bolt capable hammers. And then buy or steal it.

[HalfElfDragon]

Disregard females, acquire currency.

[Mustrum]

Disregard females, acquire currency.

Currency will keep. Let's get it on with some of dat sweet, sweet, purple tail, yo.

[Revenant]

Attempt to seduce every female in the city, gain money, visit rogue trainer.

[Cantus]

Look around for the Rogue trainer.

[Erthad]

Visit the Warrior trainer.

[Mustrum]

Visit the Warlock trainer.

[Erthad]

Attack the Mage trainer.

[HalfElfDragon]

Marry the hunter trainer.

[Mustrum]

Rape the priest trainer.

[Exxile87]

Look for Eraatu. Bring tea.

[HalfElfDragon]

Run around naked screaming 'I AM A PALADIN!'

[Mustrum]

Run around naked screaming 'I AM A PALADIN!'

Har har, nobody would know the difference, har har har.

[Cantus]

Ask a wisp out to tea.

[Mustrum]

Dig a pit.



Fill it with clowns.

[Skytotem]

Tell all the stupid voices in your head to make up their goddamn minds.

Meditate.

Center yourself.

Focus.

Get the important shit out of the way THEN bring some fine Night Elven Honey's back to the Exodar to snort questionable substances off a Draenei's cleavage.

[HalfElfDragon]

Break out into the best a capella rendition of Guile's Theme you can muster.

[Mustrum]

I think we broke it.

:(

[Mark_Romaneck]

Be the only one to make it out alive

[Mustrum]

You know, Bolvar, leaving a story unfinished is a pretty serious crime.

[Skytotem]

You know, Bolvar, leaving a story unfinished is a pretty serious crime.

Y'know I haven't actually seen him around all that much, maybe one of his kids is sick or something?

Hope not.

[Mustrum]

Y'know I haven't actually seen him around all that much, maybe one of his kids is sick or something?

Hope not.

Take your time, friend Bolvar!

[Bolvar]

Take your time, friend Bolvar!

((election season in Arizona - I'm a party official - kinda busy right now - I haven't abandoned the story - feel free to keep adding insane suggestions for our hero))

[Skytotem]

((election season in Arizona - I'm a party official - kinda busy right now - I haven't abandoned the story - feel free to keep adding insane suggestions for our hero))

Huzzah?

Alright uh...


Sit down and pick up a good book to read to settle the raging maelstrom that is your mind.

[Revenant]

Speculate on if your mind is the Maelstrom.

[Anansi]

Anansi uses Raise Dead.