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BaronGrackle 04-01-2014 03:33 PM

Choose Your Own Gul'dan
“We are not alone,” Cho’gall pointed out to Gul’dan. Their boat had finally beached on the shore of the new island, which still shuddered and threw off steam and occasional belches of fire and lava.

Gul’dan followed his assistant’s gesture and saw a fleet of ships approaching from the far side of the island. His island. From the way the lead boat moved Gul’dan could tell it was rowed rather than sailed, and that usually meant one thing: orcs. Doomhammer’s troops had found them.

“Curse him,” Gul’dan muttered. "Why did he always have to be so quick to make decisions? Another day and we would have been here and done before they arrived." He sighed. “Well, there is nothing for it."

You look out to the wrecked sea surrounding the Broken Isles. You look back to the Tomb of Sargeras, just waiting to be opened and its power revealed to you. How many warriors has Doomhammer sent against you? What clan or clans are they from? And what terrors will you find within the Tomb?

Cho'gall, Drak'thul, Urluk Cloud-killer, and the rest of your followers look to you. What is your command?

Level 9001 Warlock
Level 100 Necromancer
Level 60 Shaman

Strength: Weak
Agility: Clumsy
Stamina: Easily winded
Intellect: Tempered with arrogance
Spirit: Pretty darn evil

  • Gul'dan's Hood of Triumph (Heroic)
  • Gul'dan's Robe of Triumph (Heroic)
  • Gul'dan's Shoulderpads of Triumph (Heroic)
  • Gul'dan's Gloves of Triumph (Heroic)
  • Gul'dan's Leggings of Triumph (Heroic)
  • Decorative Skulls Impaled on Spikes (Bizarre)

  • Goat-headed Staff
  • Dagger

  • Shadow Orb
  • Roasted Boar Meat
  • Cracked Shortbow
  • Fishing Pole

Shroombie 04-01-2014 09:39 PM

Ride staff like a pony, make lewd gestures.

BaronGrackle 04-02-2014 08:02 AM


Originally Posted by Shroombie (Post 1090052)
Ride staff like a pony, make lewd gestures.

NEW MOUNT ACQUIRED: Goat-headed Staff

Gul'dan mounted his goat-headed staff like a pony, hinging his elbow upward repeatedly while scratching his thumbclaws against each other--two of the lewdest gestures an orc could make. The 'Gall head of Cho'gall laughed.

'Gall sang, "Scratch and dance and dance and ride, death awaits at evening tide! Bump the grind to snip the snail, all shall fear the--"

"Shut up! Just... shut up!" the Cho' head of Cho'gall interrupted, squinting into the distance. "Can we make out their clan colors yet?"

Another ogre-mage was staring blankly ahead. He was connected to an active Eye of Kilrogg, scouting the approaching vessels. "I see them," he now answered. "They are . . ."

* * * * *

::roll roll::
1. Blackrock Clan
2. Black Tooth Grin Clan
3. Dragonmaw Clan
4. Blackrock, Black Tooth Grin, and Dragonmaw Clans
5. Bleeding Hollow Clan
6. Burning Blade Clan

* * * * *

". . . they are Blackrock Clan, my master. Doomhammer has sent his own warriors against us."

Cho' grumbled. "Who is commanding them?"

The other ogre-mage closed his eyes in concentration.

* * * * *

::roll roll::
1. Orgrim Doomhammer
2. Varok Saurfang
3. Tharbek
4. Jubei'Thos
5. Malkorok
6. Eitrigg

* * * * *

"It's that orc who's been standing around Doomhammer since he became warchief. I didn't hear about him until this year." The ogre-mage looked a little embarrassed. "I don't know his name."

"Tharbek," Cho' supplied automatically. 'Gall cackled with glee.

Anansi 04-02-2014 09:29 AM

Summon a mighty storm to lay waste to Doomhammer's pathetic warriors.

Mark_Romaneck 04-02-2014 10:03 AM

Release the kraken

Aneurysm 04-02-2014 11:41 AM

Begin soulstone farming.

Crazyterran 04-02-2014 12:29 PM

Hit Cho upside the head, and tell him he should be more like 'Gall.

BaronGrackle 04-03-2014 08:24 AM
Tharbek peered through his spyglass. He spotted the distant figures gathered on the far island, smoke rising from its crags. The Stormreaver and Twilight's Hammer had already unloaded their warriors and were standing at the gates to some unusual structure. Tharbek bit his lip. As Doomhammer's second-in-command, he was used to gathering information and presenting it to the warchief. Making critical decisions himself? That was slightly out of his comfort zone.

If he ordered his warriors to row double-time, they might catch Gul'dan by surprise. He shook his head at the thought. They didn't know anything about this place. Maybe Gul'dan had gotten here hours ago and was lying in ambush. Maybe the sea came upon shallow ground or jagged rocks at unexpected places. Maybe there were goblin mines littered under the tides. Tharbek didn't know. He was blind.

"Gul'dan isn't going anywhere," he shouted to the ship crews. "We proceed slow and steady, gather what information we can, and then close the noose. Make for that small isle nearby--we'll land and set up a base camp."

His orcs obeyed, setting course for the nearest land. Soon enough they would have a solid base, and he would advance against Gul'dan's forces on his own terms.

Just that moment the sea began to chop at a different rhythm. The transport galleys lifted and fell more harshly than before. Clouds crackled with thunder, and Tharbek felt a few drops of rain trickle on his head. It was at that moment he noticed the sky had darkened completely.

BaronGrackle 04-03-2014 08:24 AM
"Come. Let us show them why we bear the name Stormreaver."

Gul'dan extended his arms level to the horizon. He spread his fingers and reached out his essence, stretching to touch the ocean surrounding them all. His mouth curled into a smile. The elements in Azeroth were so... so different than those on Draenor. They were open, unresisting, weak in will. And yet, simultaneously, they wielded such indomitable physical power. Gul'dan's fellow warlocks gathered beside him--the handful of orcs who had escaped the purges, along with the scores of newly-formed death knights and ogre-magi. His progeny. Just as they had together lifted the Tomb from the ocean floor, so now they stirred the surrounding waters into a frenzy. The whirlpools took on an almost magnetic quality, pulling drops and then deluge from the blackening clouds above. Yes, the very sky itself turned dark, unable to deny the manifestation below. For a brief moment, Gul'dan remembered the rush he had once felt as a young shaman. For what was godhood, if not the heavens bowing to the will of the earth?
Beside him, Cho'gall extended his own arms. "Brothers, let us take part in this taste of oblivion!"
"Taste! See! Smell! Oblivion all, oblivion always!"

The ogre-magi and death knights of the Twilight's Hammer took their places beside the Stormreavers, contributing their power to the storm before them. The sea rose against the Blackrock fleet on the distant isle, in furious tidal waves. Cho'gall continued speaking over the deafening cacophony.

"Brothers! We, the Twilight's Hammer, the world's instrument of its own devastation..."
"Wield the hammer! Be the hammer!"
"...sparing neither animal nor plant, nor even matter already dead."
"Shoes, ships, ceiling wax! Cabbages and kings!"
"For when the sea turns boiling hot..."
"And if the sea is boiling hot..."
"...the land shall quake in its final death throes!"
"...and whether fish have tusks!"
"The sun shall swell, then falter, and then fall like all else."
"Sunday Sunday Sunday! Come one come all!"
"As inevitably as it rises and set in our current age."
"Tickets on sale now! Buy a bundle and scalp 'em at the gates! Don't trust the economy!"
"We shall carry with us the many waters as one single body, to cleanse from this world all impurities!"
"Full body cleanse! Like eating an orange peel! Defecate that sucker out!"
"And existence itself, thus broken, will not be even capable of pleading for clemency."
"Feces, feces everywhere! Chunks on your face and your clothes!"
"Which is just as well, for there can be no mercy from the inevitable."
"Filthy, disgusting feces! On your skin and your teeth!"

Finally the storm ran its course, leaving only wreckage where the Blackrock fleet had been. Cho' turned, quizzically regarding his counterpart.

"Gul'dan, I think something's wrong with my other head."
"What? Let me see," Gul'dan answered. With both hands, he brought down his goat staff to **SMACK** Cho's head. Then he **SMACKED** the head with his staff again, in a backhand motion. "How's that?"
"Oww! What in all the hells?!"
"Hells and bells and puppy-dog tails!"
"Why'd you hit me with your stupid staff?!"
"Stupidity and emptiness! All knowledge is folly!"
"Let this be a lesson, Cho'gall. In the future, try to make your loser head be more like this winner here." Gul'dan gestured to the one-eye, beak-nosed head.
"This is ridiculous."
"Ridiculous! Foolhardy! Also kind of awesome!"
"We should return to the task at hand."
"A task at hand is worth two in the bush!"
"Look, Doomhammer's warriors are wrecked and vulnerable on that distant isle, and we could easily finish them by combining our forces. It shall be simple, for they are already landlocked. I can..."
"Silence!" Gul'dan screamed, bringing his goat-cane down in a deliberate motion to **SMACK** Cho' in the face once again. One of the ogre's teeth skipped across the dirt and landed in the sea. Another item, a small orb, also fell out of his beltpouch. Gul'dan eyed it suspiciously. "And what is this, pray tell?"
Cho'gall was rubbing the side of his Cho' face, which had begun to swell. "It is a Soulstone, my master. Of course you recognize it."

"Of course I do," Gul'dan agreed. "Why do you have one? Do you fear death?"

Cho'gall shrugged. "Master, none of us knows what fate lies in store this expedition."
"Destruction! Annihilation! Obliteration! All ends in oblivion, sweet oblivion!"
"Maybe our unarmed ships would sink beneath the sea. Maybe I'd take an axe to the chest. I just wanted a little insurance in case things go poorly."
"Insurance for the poor! Tax credits, roth IRAs, ignorant dreams of social security!"

Gul'dan nodded. "Very true, Cho'gall. It is of utmost importance to prepare for the worst. And that is why I'm confiscating this." He snatched Soulstone with a greedy vigor. "Now," Gul'dan turned to face the assembled Stormreaver and Twilight's Hammer Clans, holding his new stone so that everyone could see. "Who else brought one of these?"

I turned out 7 others had a Soulstone on them. Gul'dan confiscated them with little fanfare.
"Master, the choice still stands before us. Do we finish off the Blackrock dogs once and for all? Do we leave them behind and continue into the Tomb? Shall we stay together, or separate our forces to cover both objectives?
"Cho'gall, my eager student. Did you believe I had not already planned for this?!" Gul'dan turned to face one of his warlocks. "Drak'thul, the time has come: RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"
The young warlock dipped his head obediently. "Yes, master! RELEASING THE KRAKEN!!!"
"Kraken? What's a kraken?"
"Kraken, flaken, braken, schlaken, mrak--"
"Shut up! Dear gods shut up, so help me . . ."

Then, from beneath the tides, the creature revealed itself.
"Whoa-hoa, ha ha!"
"I know, right? Pretty awesome!" Drak'thul snorted.
Gul'dan rubbed his hands together deviously. "Now behold, my minions, as this mighty kraken finishes off the final remains of Doomhammer's forces on yonder isle. Bwa. Bwa-ha, ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!"

Cho' rubbed his swelling cheek and didn't say anything. Yet, somehow, Gul'dan could feel the questions silently in the air. Would the kraken really go after the Blackrocks on that distant isle, instead of just turning around and attacking his own forces? How many of their resources had this kraken cost them? If he planned to use a kraken all along, why did he expend so much magic on that epic storm a few mere minutes ago? Wouldn't he need some of that magical energy or some of those resources to face the horrors of Sargeras's tomb? Was there anything living under the seas here, any foreign creature or race that could be angered or awakened by the storm and the kraken's release? And weren't they just around the corner from Kul Tiras, the island nation that had held naval supremacy since the beginning of the war?

Of course these were all stupid questions, so Gul'dan didn't dwell on them. His main dilemma was figuring out what to do next. Did he have the patience and confidence to watch the Kraken dispose of the Blackrocks' remains, before pursuing the treasures of Sargeras? Or was speed the more important factor?

Anansi 04-03-2014 09:16 AM

Check your soulstone to make sure it's safe and then book it for the tomb.

BaronGrackle 04-03-2014 09:28 AM


Originally Posted by Anansi (Post 1091166)
Check your soulstone to make sure it's safe and then book it for the tomb.

8 soulstones.

Anansi 04-03-2014 09:34 AM

If you steal a guy's soulstone, does it revive the guy or does it revive you?

BaronGrackle 04-03-2014 09:36 AM


Originally Posted by Anansi (Post 1091191)
If you steal a guy's soulstone, does it revive the guy or does it revive you?

Pfff, I have no idea. You guys are the ones who play WoW. :P

EDIT: We'll say Gul'dan's skilled enough to make them revive himself, even if they wouldn't do that in-game.

Anansi 04-03-2014 09:44 AM

Okay, look.

A soulstone operates by storing a catalytic spark of one's essential energy, characterized by the misnomer of 'soul,' in a protective shell of condensed shadow energies. The idea is that when you die, and your incumbent 'soul' evaporates from your mortal husk, the resultant essential vacuum induces such a violently attractive force on the stored spark that it shatters the soulstone to return to its native host.

In other words, I'm quite skeptical of Gul'dan's ability to regenerate from an underling's soulstone.

Shroombie 04-03-2014 09:48 AM

Kill an underling to create your own soulstone

Anansi 04-03-2014 09:54 AM

Actually, let me revise my earlier statement. Shroombie is right to point out that Soulstone's require Soul Shards to use correctly, but I suspect that by breaking the Soulstone of another Warlock, you would find enough essential fire to generate one of your own. Break their Soulstones and remake them in your own image!

Shroombie 04-03-2014 09:59 AM


Originally Posted by Anansi (Post 1091217)
Actually, let me revise my earlier statement. Shroombie is right to point out that Soulstone's require Soul Shards to use correctly, but I suspect that by breaking the Soulstone of another Warlock, you would find enough essential fire to generate one of your own. Break their Soulstones and remake them in your own image!

My way's more evil, though. Gul'dan needs no logic, for he is Gul'dan!!

Anansi 04-03-2014 10:01 AM


Originally Posted by Shroombie (Post 1091223)
My way's more evil, though. Gul'dan needs no logic, for he is Gul'dan!!

You sound just like 'Gall!


Consider viability of casting silence on Cho' while allowing 'Gall to speak and cast freely.

Also, I repeat, BOOK IT FOR THE TOMB.

Shroombie 04-03-2014 11:41 AM

Attempt to add a third head to Cho'gall, to replace Cho. Name the head Bluh.

Crazyterran 04-03-2014 12:07 PM

Climb onto Cho'gall's back and ride him into the Tomb of Sargeras. After all, you are Gul'dan! You have better things to do than walk into the tomb! Walking is for losers! Like Cho!

Mark_Romaneck 04-03-2014 03:18 PM


Behold those who have power, and who are not afraid to wield it. Behold... the warlocks!
Meaning dont be afraid to use the power!

Screw your lowly followers, let them pile up and delay Doomhammer´s dogs, who gives a crap if the kraken turns on them or not, as long as the result leaves no inconveniences.

Time is of the essence! soon you will have all of Sargeras power, even the fool Medivh will be no match for us once we acquire that profane might!

And those soulstounes should be used to summon demons, they will be useful in place of those minions you are sending to the slaughter!

Keep Drak´Tul tough, he could be of use and Cho´Gall needs to do the heavy lifting, you dont know when you will need to move furniture

BaronGrackle 04-04-2014 08:09 AM

Gul'dan turned his back to the sea, preoccupied with the Soulstones in his pack.
"Master," Ugg the warlock asked, "are we not going witness the kraken finish off our enemies?"
"Yes," Gul'dan answered abstractly, still focused on the stones. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Yes?" the warlock echoed.

"Yes, we are NOT going to witness the kraken finish off our enemies." Frustration tinged Gul'dan's voice as he answered, followed by a satisfied grunt. "There. That should do it."

"That should do what?"

"It's hard to explain. Here, come closer and I'll show you." Gul'dan brandished one of the Soulstones, which was now glowing with violet-colored energies. "What is your name, warlock?"

The warlock stood straight. "I am called U--"

Gul'dan slammed the Soulstone into the warlock's head, caving in his skull. Good; Gul'dan hadn't been sure whether the stones would be durable or fragile. "Let's see... yes, I bet I can use his life energies to make another one. I imagine it doesn't hurt to have too many of these lying around. Well, it doesn't hurt ME, anyway. Ha ha, am I right? Am I right, yeah?"

Gul'dan held the palm of his hand outward. Cho'gall delivered a high five. "That's what I'm talking about," Gul'dan nodded.
Drak-thul coughed tentatively. "If you wish, master, you could distribute some of those Soulstones to us. We could survive for longer periods and serve you more effectively."

"Hmm, that is a compelling thought." Gul'dan retrieved the Soulstone from earlier, wiping the blood and brain-bits with his sleeve. "Come closer, and I'll give you this one to hold on to."

Drak-thul stepped back. "No thanks, master."

Cho'gall studied the pile of stones with interest. One of them had been his own just a moment before, but he didn't dwell on the loss. "You will only need so many Soulstones for the insurance of resurrection."
"Too much resurrection! Too much life! Not enough death!"
"For some of them, we could harvest their energies for other uses."
"Power! Destruction! Money! Females!"

Gul'dan raised an eyebrow. "Other uses? Do you have any suggestions in particular?"

"Yes," Cho'gall answered. His heads glanced at the clan members before continuing. "This is a sensitive topic, master." Knowingly, Gul'dan gestured with his finger for Cho'gall to come closer. Cho'gall leaned inward, whispering so that no one else could hear. "You see, master, these warriors will fall like wheat under the scythe once we enter the Tomb. Instead, let us sacrifice them and use their essenc--"

Gul'dan slammed the Soulstone into Cho's skull. With a loud crack, the head fell limp.
The old warlock laughed until his sides hurt. "Okay, Cho'gall. Now what was it you were saying?"
"Empty talk, empty words! All falls silent with oblivion!" the 'Gall head screamed.

Gul'dan frowned. "He's not dead, is he?"


Gul'dan reached for the hand that dangled next to Cho's head, placing his fingers on the wrist. He felt a pulse. "So, help me out here. Is this... is it his pulse, since the arm's on his side? Or does that just mean that at least one of you is still alive?"

"All life passes and is passing! Every moment is illusion!"

Gul'dan frowned. "More importantly, is this going to affect your ability to cast spells freely? Can you function as an ogre-mage if one of your... pieces is broken?"

"Peace is a lie there is only passion! Through passion I gain strength! Through strength I gain power! Through power..."

"Through power, I become a god." Gul'dan finished. "That was well spoken, Cho'gall."

"You said it wrong! Shut your whore mouth!"

"Ha ha, Cho'gall. You're such a character."

Gul'dan climbed atop Cho'gall's shoulders, sitting on the gap between his two heads. "Come, everyone, To the Tomb!" his voice bellowed. "Yah!" In a crisp motion, he struck his goatstaff against Cho's unconscious head. Electric sparks shot from the staff's horns, causing the limp head to twitch as its nerves were activated. "Yah, yah! Giddyup!"

Gul'dan bounced on the Cho'gall's midshoulder as the ogre lumbered to the Tomb's entrance. The clan members followed behind. A handful of orc warlocks. A solid number of ogre-magi. Some death knights. A fair number of grunt warriors and peons. There were even a few trolls and goblins who'd been assigned to the two clans and possibly didn't know what was happening. They probably didn't even understand orcish.

The warlock chieftain produced a brown paper, on which he began to scribble something. While doing so he boomed orders. "Peons! You will stay here to watch the entrance. Build a barracks for us. Some towers. Do the ones with arrows, not cannons, just in case we get fliers after us. Start some pig farms and place them up front--they actually take more damage than the towers, remember. Construct everything out of wood and gold. I expect a new army by the time we come back out. If you find an oil patch, all the better."

"Goblins! In the back! We may need you to break through some barriers! Orc and troll warriors! In front! You are going to be our meat shield! I don't want to see any spellcaster fall until the lot of you lie dead, do you understand? Wait... let me clarify that order. Spellcasters! Stay by me! Most of you are going to cast Bloodlust and Haste on the frontline, but a handful will stay in the back to Unholy Armor me when needed, after which I will Death Coil your face and/or otherwise sacrifice you for health or power. That's what I was talking about, warriors--naturally these spellcasters in the back are going to die before you, but it won't be your fault. When all the orcs and trolls die, then you ogre-magi can take their places and counterattack--focus your Bloodlusts on each other. Ultimately, I'll probably kill the lot of you in order to summon more powerful daemons to fight for me. Any questions?"
Drak-thul raised a hand. "Are you going to ride on Cho'gall the whole time, or is he going up front as part of the meatshield?"

"Excellent question. Behold!" Gul'dan unfolded the brown paper he had been scribbling on to reveal it was a brown paper bag with an angry face drawn on it in purple magic marker. He placed this paper bag over Cho's head.

From his seated position, Gul'dan gestured downward. "This is Bluh'gall: chieftain of the Twilight's Hammer Clan. My trusted lieutenant and mount. Thank you, thank you." A gentle applause passed through the crowd.
"Where did you get that sack and writing tool? You didn't have anything like that in your inventory."
Gul'dan nodded. "Hear well the words of Bluh'gall, for he speaks great truth." The elder warlock cracked his knuckles. "Now, is everyone prepared? Today, we fulfill our destiny. Yah!" He gave another electric-goatstaff prod to his mount's right head. Bluh'gall trotted forward to the Tomb's entrance.

"My followers, behold: THE TOMB OF SARGERAS!"

And then this happened.

(Except imagine that Gul'dan was mounted.)
"Daemon hugs! Hugs and squeezes and hugs, ja ja!"

Bluh'gall galloped toward the figure at the Tomb's entrance, carrying Gul'dan with him.

BaronGrackle 04-04-2014 08:23 AM


Anansi 04-04-2014 01:48 PM

Bind demon.

Crazyterran 04-04-2014 01:58 PM

Leap from Bluh'gall's back and onto the back of the demon, and break that steed in Warlock style.

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