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Old 07-23-2009, 02:33 PM
Aneurysm Aneurysm is offline

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Default Undead Carnage ov Doom

This is the story... no, not story... This is the LEGEND of the most awesome paladin who've ever walked upon the face of Azeroth. And he walked all over Azeroth's face. He was like; "Hey Azeroth, I'mma walk ALL over you!". And so he did. Without hesitation he walked all over Azeroth.

This is the story of me, Bullfrog Turntablehoof. Once upon a time, when I was only a little calf, I got interested in exploring, and adventuring! All the other young calves thought I was crazy, and all that, so they rejected me and began to bully me. BULLy me... Get it? No?... Oh well...

When I was of age to carry my own swords and backpack I fled Mulgore, and began my journey eastwards. I traveled for many days and nights, until I reached a decolate and barren area, which I named "The Barrens". The landscape of the Barrens was very harsh, and not welcoming to any travelers. Centaurs and quillboars roamed free, which enraged me. Centaurs and quillboars are vile creatures, who does not deserve to walk the earth of the Barrens. I slew many, but they never seemed to be exterminated, so I continued my journey.

I walked a few days south, then I decided to take a turn towards the eastern parts of the Barrens, but suddenly I ended up in some kind of swamp. It was horrible there... There were sludge-beasts, spiders and whatnot. I didn't like it at all, so I turned back and continued south in the barren lands of the Barrens.
- God damn, I though, this place is really not cool.
I continued southwards, until I reached some kind of place made out of needles and pins. There were like a thousand needles at that place. But I couldn't get there... No, there was a huge ledge, and I didn't feel like jumping down there, so I built a lift. I think the lift stands there until this day... It's called "The Great Lift".
Down I went, and then I walked west, towards a lush and wonderful forest. I met with the so-called "Night Elves" there, and they seemed to be the kind of people I'd be friends with. The elves escorted me all the way to the western shore, and took me on a boat-trip to the Swamp of Sorrows. Back then it was a part of a place called "The Black Morass", but some genious at the Blizzard-office decided to split the Black Morass into two zones. Don't ask me why.
The elves left me at the Mistyreed Strand, so I went inland.

After a few weeks of walking I found myself in a nice-looking forest inhabited by humans. They called it Elwynn Forest.
I didn't want the humans to know who I was, so I hid with their cattle, and sneakily traveled through their city of Stormwind.
The dwarves of Ironforge must've been pretty stunned when they saw a lost bull (me) inside their city. They were nice enough to set me free into Dun Morogh, though.
Then began a long and eventless walk north. After a period that felt like it was spreading out for years I entered the Eastern Plaguelands. Yes, I'd survived the coming of the plague and all that mumbo-jumbo.

I took shelter in an old church called Light's Hope Chapel. There were a few nice people there who took care of me, and they welcomed me as a member of their team. In return I followed a group of fourty adventurers to the floating citadel called Naxxramas. I'd be lying if I said it was an easy foe to beat, that Naxxramas.
The leader of the raid got mad at me when I "ninja-looted" some kind of sword. I couldn't figure out what the big deal was... It was only a sword. The next week the citadel was back, so we raided it again, and once again I felt I wanted that sword... My old one had gotten a bit dirty, and stuff.
The adventurers said they'd never invite me to one of their genocide-raids again, but I wasn't sorry. I had two cool swords who whispered to me.

The two swords became my new friends, and we had many nice conversations about corruptions, betrayal and some man named Kel'Thuzad. The swords told me their name was Ashbringer. I couldn't have two swords named Ashbringer, so I named one of them Percivald Birdslayer the Third, and the other one Eugene.
I walked for many weeks with Percivald and Eugene, each in one hand, and we had many pleasant conversations.

One day Eugene told me we should go to some place called the Scarlet Monastary. I couldn't argue with Eugene, since I'd grown quite fond of him. When we entered the monastary all the people inside began kneeling before me and stuff.
- Uhm... What are you doing?, I said.
- You wield the Ashbringer. The blade of the Highlord!, one of the kneeling guards said.
- Oh, you mean Percivald and Eugene., I answered, and walked deeper into the monastary.
When I reached the cathedral I was welcomed by a man by the name of Renault Mograine. He seemed nice.
- Excuse me, but what the fuck are you doing?, he asked me.
- Well Eugene here told me to go here, and I must obey him., I answered.
- Get out of my cathedral, please. Take your business elsewhere., he said.
- The birds of the northern walls speak a great truth about betrayal and suffering. They fly far and wide, and never slow down. They've seen the mouth of the bough., I said wisely.
- What does that even mean?, Renault asked me.
- I don't know... It just felt right saying that now., I answered as I walked away from the cathedral, and out into the great outdoors.
- Aah, the great outdoors!, I thought for myself.

One day when I was in the Hillsbrad Foothills Percivald and Eugene began shining in a bright light, instead of casting a shadow everywhere. The skull that was on the blade turned into a sun.
- Percivald? Eugene? What the hell is going on?, I asked them, but I got no answer.

Until this day I've been trying to contact Percivald Birdslayer the Third and Eugene, but without luck. Can someone tell me why they abandoned me and changed their shapes to this gay-looking blades?

Oh, and just for the fun of it; ... Or at least what used to be Percivald and Eugene.

Please, give constructive criticism.
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Old 07-23-2009, 05:47 PM
Yuber8900 Yuber8900 is offline

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A. We all know that Avion is the greatest paladin evar.

B. Want me to change that ov to of?
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:02 PM
Aneurysm Aneurysm is offline

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Originally Posted by Yuber8900 View Post
B. Want me to change that ov to of?
Not at all. Undead Carnage ov Doom is the song you shall listen to while reading this short story.

Everybody knows Undead Carnage ov Doom is "värsta jävla grejen"!
My love for you is like a truck, berserker.
Would you like some making fuck, berserker?
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Old 07-25-2009, 07:21 AM
Exxile87 Exxile87 is offline

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Sorry, but Blazer is the greatest Paladin ever. He's a fucking goddamned Super Saiyan.

But your story is pretty epic. A close second, no doubt.
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Old 07-25-2009, 01:28 PM
Lalunas Lalunas is offline

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Originally Posted by Aneurysm View Post
Everybody knows Undead Carnage ov Doom is "värsta jävla grejen"!
You think so?
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