So Cantus suggested i should start a thread about this, so anyone that need or gives help with should post here

Here's my own

Any opinions and suggestions are welcomed, also questions are welcomed since they help me think justifications and improve the entry as a whole.

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Your English is not the best, and your syntax is an odd mix of esoteric and poor. You use big words and then seem to trip over them, while messing up the smaller ones too. It is not clear to me what you are going for in several sentences.

Crystal dream-eaters? All the fun of being mostly/exactly the same without the awkward. My suggestion, anyway.

The development stages are fine.

For the newborn stage, if they have "no will of their own and instead move naturally to the whims of the Emerald Dream," how do they hunt? Are you going for a sentience/sapience discrepancy again, or does the Emerald Dream move them where they need to go, or do they obtain memories randomly, or what?

You say "That is until." This implies something stops or starts. What changes when they find the first of the three initial memories? If it only eats them when it finds all three, then what prompts the change?

I do not see the point of their modular and random nature. They constantly gather and consume a new triad of memories, switching out their personalities, abilities, and appearances, only to use these things in a non-sapient pantomime? Their only benefit is trading temporary attributes with each other?

Ephemeral and dream-like things have their place, but what is the plot with these guys? You have a hook there with the possible extra stage, but if a group of them were encountered in Warcraft, what would they be besides generic things to kill? At least make them interesting things to kill.

The particular events that prompted their ability to harvest each type of dream are a bit odd. Why would pet battling and Jaina's fling resonate through the Emerald Dream so much?

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^Ignored again.

Okay. It is cool.

Silicate Dream-Eaters feels a little off, being a combination of a pedantic and pedestrian words. Might I suggest Silicate Spectravores instead? You can mess around some more with the etymology of words like hallucination, reverie, specter and whatnot if you like.

When you say they exist primarily in the Emerald Dream, it sounds as though it is the most common of multiple environments where populations can emerge and persist, but as I understand it you want them to be exclusively native to the Emerald Dream. Perhaps consider rewording that part of the Habitats section accordingly.

I'd suggest replacing the "Biology" section with at least two others, one for "Physiology" and the other for "Life Cycle." Expand your description of the physical appearance and characteristics in the Physiology section, and consider merging it with the bit later on when you describe the function of the three crystals. Likewise, modify the Life Cycle section to incorporate your later descriptions of the habits apparent in each stage.

At the end of the Life Cycle section would be a good place to mention that the Green Dragons doubt the so-called 'Adult' stage is the final one in the creatures' development. From here you can lead into your final section, which I'd recommend renaming to something like "Origins" or "Ominous Implications." I don't get the impression that they're old enough as a species for the connotations associated with "History" to be appropriate. Here, I would advise you to weave in a few more hints as to the relation between the creatures and dragons, and what they have to do with the war, Deathwing, the Old Gods or whatever eldritch force brought them into being. You don't need to give everything away, but try to give the impression that one or more unified theory exists. Offer a bit of speculation as to what they are, what they want, where they came from, where they're going and so on.

I wouldn't worry about the language too much. If English isn't your strongest language, or you are personally not the strongest writer, so be it. I don't think this project is a contest of prowess in the English language, but a creative exercise where content, more than form, is what matters.

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My biggest problem that i need to fix in general.

Can you note some of the most obvious places?
Meh, i'll see.

Hum i need to reword that, they are supposed to stumble upon them, so yeah randomly. Yes i'm going for that discrepancy, though i don't know why you say "again"

They stop being newborns and reach childhood. What prompts the change is having the three memories orbiting their head, it gives them the necessary traits they need to be completed. The consumption only starts when a fourth memory of any type is acquired, replacing the one on their head that was just eaten to give place to the fourth memory.

Yes, their entire existence is intended to be theatrical and fake much like a dream or a illusion. Yes that's the clear benefit, but it's more of a consequence of their acting rather than something they intend to do, with most trades being hardly beneficial to one of the traders. It's essentially trading for trading sake.

Yes that's actually a good point. Well i will add this later but essentially the storages filled with items that they craft, and never use, can be filled with anything that has been observed being crafted from a hammer, gold bars or Ashbringers(assuming that someone watch Magni crafting it). That's the perspective of looting them. As hostile beings I need to give it further thought but I think I'll go with some of them simulating "bad" dreamers from bandits, pirates and cultists. I intended them to be a indirect product of Old God magic, but i should rephrase it better.

I intended to be odd and a bit out-of-place. I used pet battling because I wanted to focus on the increasing attention by players/pet battlers on the abilities each pet. And with the huge variety of abilities pets have, those types of dream kept increasing until it culminated in the Dream-eaters subconsciously accepted it has norm.

The Jaina fling is in the part of acceptance of the general populace to affairs alien to them like that. As Jaina is a ruler, what she does becomes more acceptable to the populace. Since i don't know how "public" is Jaina and Kalec relationship is, i have gone with rumours spreading around.


I don't like that name, but I think I'll do what you suggested.

Yeah I will.

Hmm that's a great idea

Yeah, i'll rename it.

So more speculation it is.

Yeah but i want to improve my writing too. So any specific criticisms would be nice too

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Your biggest problem is that you use "trough" in place of "though."

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Ugh why i keep making that mistake.

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About the name, both Archimedes and I saw the same problem, though we took it in opposite directions. What I called esoteric and poor, he called pedantic and pedestrian. The language has an uncommon phrase next to a common one. It doesn't flow, meaning you might have to change one side.

It should be "what they are dreaming."

"as the dreamer resynchronize with their brains" is off. It should be "as the dreamer resynchronizes with their brains" or "as the dreamer will resynchronize with their brains". Though I'm not quite sure what that means, especially if the theft is harmless to the dreamer.

"the Sapient Being personality" should be "the sapient being's personality."

"distant it's dreamer." should be "distant from its dreamer" or "distant from the dreamer."

"and any long-term effect are providing nourishment." should be "and any long-term effects are providing nourishment." but I think you mean "and the only long-term effect is that it provides nourishment."

You need to pick a proper capitalization and a plural form for "dream-eater".

It should be "This type of memory" or "These memories".

Spaces come before parentheses.

"it's original." should be "its original."

"aspect" should be "appearance" or something. It has more aspects than just the appearance.

"full sapient beings" might be right. It depends on if you mean [fully sapient] [beings] or [full] [sapient beings]. The former sounds like they are increasing in sapience (which they appear to be, but are not), while the latter sounds like they were an not a complete being before (which is true, but not what the sentence is about).

I'm not sure if "sordid, and quite obvious, affair" is the right way to put it, but the grammar is right.

That bit is "...they have no will of their own and instead move naturally to the whims of the Emerald Dream. That is until they find one of three memories required..." But now you say they need to stumble on all three, plus a fourth, to do anything.

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^Ignored again.

Okay. It is cool.

So, today I got a tablet up and running. So the first thing I draw is this.


And now I need a back story. I see them as tropical pests that live on the tropical islands of the south seas, and that are occasionally kept as pets by the jungle trolls that live there. They're intelligent enough to hold a conversation with, but only by repeating words they've heard before.

Also, shitty quality pic is shitty. First time with a tablet, so cut me some slack.

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Like pretty much everyone? Might want to reword that.

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^Ignored again.

Okay. It is cool.

Sapient people are also able to read and discern meaning and invent new words or conjugations as the situation demands by assuming an understanding of how those words work mechanically and structurally.

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What I mean is that they can understand sentences, but they can't come up with them on their own, only repeat lines they've heard before.

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Ashendant, you might want to clean up your entry now.

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^Ignored again.

Okay. It is cool.

Sorry, it's done i'm just a bit demotivated... wanted to write another about marine race brought from the Abyssal Maw and enslaved by the naga.

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