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  #101  
Old 12-05-2016, 06:52 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Psychiatrist's statement's in the bank. 2 done, only 1 to go. Sadly that one's gonna take a while; my next appointment at the therapy is mid-Jannuary. At least that gives me time to work on other stuff; currently getting treatment for my chest pains and i'm now begun asking skin doctors for their laser hair removal prices.

Send kittens. And Euros. Hundreds of Euros...

While he was at it the psych-guy thought he might as well prescribe me anti depressives. Not a fan but i'll try them.

Last edited by Commander Rotal; 12-05-2016 at 07:53 AM..
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  #102  
Old 12-06-2016, 11:36 AM
C9H20 C9H20 is offline

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Glad to hear things are moving along nicely
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  #103  
Old 12-06-2016, 11:44 AM
Shekinah Shekinah is offline

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Originally Posted by Commander Rotal View Post
Psychiatrist's statement's in the bank. 2 done, only 1 to go. Sadly that one's gonna take a while; my next appointment at the therapy is mid-Jannuary. At least that gives me time to work on other stuff; currently getting treatment for my chest pains and i'm now begun asking skin doctors for their laser hair removal prices.

Send kittens. And Euros. Hundreds of Euros...

While he was at it the psych-guy thought he might as well prescribe me anti depressives. Not a fan but i'll try them.
Fingers crossed, particularly with the anti-depressants. I hope they work out for you. Don't be afraid to contact your psychiatrist if the side effects are too much.
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  #104  
Old 12-06-2016, 12:25 PM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Glad to hear things are moving along nicely
Gonna take a while until the next big step :/


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Fingers crossed, particularly with the anti-depressants. I hope they work out for you. Don't be afraid to contact your psychiatrist if the side effects are too much.
I don't expect much but i'll take whatever result i get as long as it's not an irritated prostate again.
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  #105  
Old 12-24-2016, 03:37 PM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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So... seeing how i never get my parents and my sister at the same table except for our Christmas Dinner (at least not without throwing insults at each other over work) i have come out to my family today. Obviously an awkward situation in the first place, made much, much worse by getting sick yesterday; i could bare get a word out of my inflamed, swollen throat. The result was about what i expected; immediate support from my mother, jokes and support from my sister and my father flatout doesn't give a shit, only complained about Christmas not being the time for that. He also didn't understand at all so i don't know how that one's going to play out. All in all it could have been much worse, but in preparation to this i realized that, if i wasn't working with/for them, i would have preferred to not tell them at all - it's a private matter, and i don't talk to my family about private matters.

In other news i have made an appointment with a dermatologist in early Jannuary; we're gonna zap those beard hair. It's probably gonna cost and arm and a leg but... we'll see.
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  #106  
Old 01-12-2017, 02:50 PM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Let's talk about Lasers!



Estrogen is apparently one hell of a drug (i wouldn't know; i'm still waiting to get my therapist's approval; more to that later) but one thing it does NOT do is get rid of your facial hair.
Some girls get lucky with body hair in that it gets lighter, softer and decreases in number but your beard? Giving you the finger.
So basically you have several options if you want to get rid of a beard on an actually permanent or practically-permanent basis; i'm going with Laser because, once it's done, it's going to be permanent. We think. Science didn't have enough time to screw this one up yet but early results look promising.
The way this works is by, basically, cooking your skin with a little laser roughly the size of a supermarket price gun. It's an instant of heat that travels down the hair and grills the base; after a day or two the dead hair base falls out and you're rid of that fucker for good, finger's crossed. Works best with freshly cut hair so come cleanshaven as fuck.
I have just finished eating after comming home from my very first laser hair removal appointment. There's no set number for how many you'll need; it varies widely depending on skin color (works best with light skin), hair color (works best with dark hair), hair density (hurts more the more hair it burns) and your own personal pain resistance. I usually have a decent pain tolerance, seeing how i've been carting around back pains for a year and have accumulated chest pains now as well, plus i used to cut myself during my younger days and don't have that much of an issue with slicing. Laser hair removal, though... well, it's a literal laser fired at your face. Hurts like a motherfucker with the wrong settings which is why a significant amount of time is spent finding the right amount of strength for each region of your face - the denser your hair is, the more painful the procedure is, ergo the lower they have to set it. This pain is supposed to decrease over time as more and more hair get snuffed.
The reason they can't do it all in one go is that (for whatever reasons) it really only works with hair that are growing right now. 'tis a problem because hair works a bit like the enemy conga line in a Tower Defense game; you get one wave of enemies at a time. So while you're offing the first batch of hair during Session 1 you'll have to wait for the second batch to reach their natural growing-cycle by Session 2, which is why every session is spaced out in roughly 6 weeks; my next appointment will be March 2nd or 3rd, i forgot. (It's a Thursday.)
There are options you can opt-in to to decrease the pain; for example, next time i'll give a pain numbing creme a go. Costs a little extra but at this point i'd rather get this over and done with as quickly as possible. And frankly: it's already expensive as fuck, i won't even notice the additional 10 bucks.
See: in Austria, your insurance is not paying for facial hair removal. They kinda sorta want you to shave forever for the rest of your life, ideally twice per day in some girls' cases. I don't really mind the shaving-process but my skin reddens in shaved areas for the entire day so i've got a perpetual red beard-shadow going on. That's unacceptable, so i'll have to bite the bullet and pay for removal myself. All 160 Euro per session.



Sooo, yeah, i'm paying the equivalent of half a pig to get shot in the face but the end result will be worth it. Imagine a tiny but really long knife rammed into your skin. That's what a laser set too high feels like. Frankly: set correctly it doesn't feel much different; it's turning human tissue into ash, it doesn't exactly come as a surprise that it hurts. Doesn't last long either; it's a splitsecond of INTENSE pain but there is no lasting agony; as soon as it's over, it's over (to the point where i feel a bit silly complaining about it at all). My skin IS a bit sore, which is normal (reminder: it got cooked); you're not supposed to get bleached, tanned or just generally do anything interesting to your skin for a few days after the session (shaving is fine) but since i don't do any of that it's not really an issue for me.
I still got some spots that retain the hair that my razor couldn't quite slize off; they're supposed to fall out in a day or two when the body realizes the equipment got hit by a supernova and starts smashing all the buttons rejecting dead cells. I won't notice any real change in hair density or growth until (at the earliest) after the third session, but that's fine. I'm playing the long game.
The entire procedure was over fairly quick, seeing how the face (well, sideburns, mouth area, chin, a bit of the neck and one spot between my eyes) is a comparatively small area when it comes to body hair. I'd be surprised if it was significantly longer than ten minutes.

As for other news: next to this i had a funeral today, and my first visit to the therapist in 2017. It kinda went really well until i asked her how we were doing on that sweet, sweet third and last required paper needed for HRT.
Soooo.... i don't know if there is a miscommunication NOW and she wants me to do significantly less than what i took from it or there was a verbal booboo happening before because i've been very open and blunt about wanting to wait with real life switch to female until, at the very least, the start of the hormone therapy; ideally waiting for six to twelve months after that. Until today this has always been nodded at; today she kinda sorta told me i'll have to do a real life test before. I.... really don't know what to think right now; i'm NOT imagining things, that's a pretty decently sized contradiction going on that i'll have to sort out. Mind you - it's not like i didn't plan to do stuff soon. Even in that very session, before she told me that, i announced that i'm intending to switch sometime this year - depending on when i get the meds either directly from the start of HRT or a while after that, but 2017 is as hard as a pedofile's cock in a nursery. This is happening.

I'm not actually surprised (also not angry, in case you were wondering); i WAS thinking that this was a bit unusual but, as my therapist (and, for that matter, the entire LGBTQABCATTACKHELICOPTER-community) often says: every transition is different, every patient unique, every path, uh, one-pathy. Sorry, ran out of words.
Well, apparently "fuck that", we're doing Real Life Test now before hormones. Great. Just fucking great. Would have been awfully convenient to have known that six months ago, ma'am, might have given me a temporal advantage to mull this over, adjust my plans and maybe start doing shit earlier than i did.
Sorry. Sorry. Venting.



Alright. I'm going to inquire some more info on that one when i'm in a bit of a calmer state of mind; she's only at the office on Thursdays anyway so i got an entire week. Weekend's gonna be chill AF, because sometime in the next few days an internist is going to ram a sensor up my butt to find out where that blood's comming from, and i feel like treating myself to something nice. (Except, i'm broke as fuck, soooo i'm going to treat myself to oatmeal and salad, probably.)

Speaking of being broke; it's not like i sat on my ass for a month doing fuckall in terms of babysteps towards transition. I've decided to wave the voice coach for the time being as the insurance isn't paying for THAT ONE either and i'm already looking at 170 Euros more or less monthly extra payings for the next year (and that's JUST the face...). Now... there's a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel on that one. It's all hush-hush because nobody actually KNOWS and it's just my mother gossiping, but apparently i'm inheriting some money soon. I don't know when, i don't know how much, i don't know if it's actually true; frankly i don't want to think about it because i didn't know my aunt very well and because i was sick like a dead horse the day i was supposed to visit her in the hospital i'm the only potential heir who didn't see her on her death bed so i'd feel like a complete fecal-mattery portion of human waste accepting any inheritance.

I lost my train of thought. Where were we... Death Star, Annakin's Betrayal, Lightsaber... oh yeah, the Droids.

I'm currently having blonde hair. I don't know if i already mentioned this but i always wanted to try blonde and it looks amazing. Plus the bald edges get some camoflage so my receeding 30-year-old-male's widow's peak hairline isn't as immediately noticeable as it used to be. Also got my eyebrows plucked, which A) hurts almost as much as a wrongly adjusted laser but B) has no dial to correct said adjustment, which basically boils down to grinding my teath and almost breaking into tears in front of a stranger working at a hair saloon. It was that kind of day.
More importantly: i'm starting to replace "Commander" with "Veronica" now, just to see how it looks, how it sounds etc. I've been asked multiple times if people should already use it and i've always said no - because Anakin told me it was fine to wait, among other reasons, but.... yeah. I don't know WHEN i'll start with that. I don't want to look like i'm only doing it to get my HRT, except that's totally why i'm doing it earlier, she KNOWS that and, in fact, that's exactly what she wants. I think. Again, i'll sort this out via email; that part of the conversation was kind of an in-between-doors-kinda thing so i didn't quite dig into it too deep; after all, i had a funeral to antend.

Speaking of funeral - in order to not arrive looking like i'm wearing a half-eaten potato sack i decided to be mature to spend a sizeable portion of my christmas double salary jackpot on clothes (and porn, but mostly clothes) and other stuff i needed sort out. While my weightloss journey has devolved into the quivalent of those traps that glue flies to a piece of paper (read: the actual weight losing has more or less stopped) i at least didn't gain anything, and i bought new clothes over ten kilos ago so even the jeans i bought for 130 kg is no longer quite fitting on me. I didn't quite realize just how much fatter my clothes made me until i looked at myself in the mirror with the new ones, though. And those news ones are? Women Pants. Because i'm done with male clothing. Well, except my new coat, because SERIOUSLY FUCK THIS. Weightloss stop or no, i HAVE lost almost 50 kilos, most of that on my own, with my own sweat and hunger, but NOOOOOOoooo, Rotal is still too fat, just now for an entirely new category. I found three really nice pants in my size but everything else (from jackets to shoes) seems to be non-existent in my size as far as female clothing is concerned. Some of the tops i looked at looked kinda nice and would have been in my size but unfortunately, with my body type and lack of even potential boobs (thanks, past-me!*), we're back to the potato sack-scenario with those, so i only tried a single one and it looked awful.
Besides...



Something like this is more my style anyway.


So, yeah. I'm wearing girl pants now, and i love them. Except for the pockets, because designers are monsters, or idiots, or both, but all three of 'em feature uselessly sized mini-pockets. What gives?
I WOULD wear more female clothing, except, y'know, there IS none in my size without specialty shops (which i visited, which felt kinda awkward, and i SWEAR i got silently judged in the second one) or ordering online without trying shit on. Fuck my life. Also: they're really thin. I do worry about ripping. But they make my butt look.... uh.... well, not "good", not even "okay"... let's go with "enjoyably smaller than the oversized jeans but still too big". That's a good word.

Ah, yeah, that's, uh, that's basically it from me today.

* No, really, thanks Past-Me. My aunt died from cancer, just like my uncle last year. Gynecomastosis carries a much higher-than-usual risk for breast cancer for men; if my family's history is anything to go by my DNA is a ticking time bomb even without that, so.... yeah.

Last edited by Commander Rotal; 01-12-2017 at 03:00 PM..
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  #107  
Old 01-12-2017, 03:25 PM
Nazja Nazja is offline

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And some pockets... are fake!

Glad you're still mostly OK, and that your Christmas revelation went reasonably well.

I'd hear about those tests being premature. Not too surprised about that. Sucks that they didn't inform you earlier.
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  #108  
Old 01-13-2017, 12:34 AM
C9H20 C9H20 is offline

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Originally Posted by Commander Rotal View Post
Except for the pockets, because designers are monsters, or idiots, or both, but all three of 'em feature uselessly sized mini-pockets. What gives?
Yesterday I learned that it is apparently a sort of catch-22 where women have small pockets because they are expected to have a purse but then they have to have a purse because they have small pockets.

And damn, 160E per session, that's rough. This whole process is really bank breaking. But I am glad you are making real progress even if it feels slow and painful (sometimes literally). May the force be with you, padawan.
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  #109  
Old 01-13-2017, 03:38 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Yesterday I learned that it is apparently a sort of catch-22 where women have small pockets because they are expected to have a purse but then they have to have a purse because they have small pockets.
Yeah y'know i knew about that but i thought it was an America-only thing. A bit bummed about that; i'm a pocket-stuffer. What're you supposed to do during work, drag your bag everywhere you go?

Quote:
And damn, 160E per session, that's rough. This whole process is really bank breaking. But I am glad you are making real progress even if it feels slow and painful (sometimes literally). May the force be with you, padawan.
Apparently there's been a shift in the last few years. I still haven't talked to my insurance about it; i want to do all of that once i get my meds and mop up everything in one go, but talking to doctors and therapists who actually work in that material the insurances these days mostly pay for HRT, SRS aaaand from what it sounds like breast augmentation is already in the "ah, nope."-category (which i'd understand in my special case but hormones generally give you an A-cup max, and some girls don't even get that. Top Surgery used to be a sure thing, apparently they changed that.). I'm not giving up hope juuuust yet but from what i hear and read online i don't think they're gonna pay for the face operation. That would suck hard if they didn't.
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  #110  
Old 01-13-2017, 08:53 AM
Shekinah Shekinah is offline

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Yesterday I learned that it is apparently a sort of catch-22 where women have small pockets because they are expected to have a purse but then they have to have a purse because they have small pockets.

And damn, 160E per session, that's rough. This whole process is really bank breaking. But I am glad you are making real progress even if it feels slow and painful (sometimes literally). May the force be with you, padawan.
Nah, we're just too stupid to know how to use pockets, so they give us fake pockets so we don't feel too bad about ourselves.
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  #111  
Old 02-02-2017, 05:14 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Actually... i discovered that two of the three pants i bought have fake butt pockets i mean, i don't even use butt pockets but if you take the time to stitch them in you might as well make them usefull...


Anyway.
I had a lovely talk with my therapist today and she cleared a few things up.
Point is: i've been burned HARD lately on the topic of simply taking things for granted when someone says X is going to happen BUT if everything goes well i'll have my third - and last! - statement within one or two weeks. We'll continue the therapy, though i've made clear that i see it less as a therapy and more as life- and transition-help, which sounds the same at first glance but really isn't. I don't technically have the ten sessions usually required yet so i do expect chefboss to throw a wrench into that but since the doctor just generally nods off the therapists' recommendations there should be, at worst, a time delay, if that.
As such i requested a hug, which was granted, and i've decided to finalize my new name over the next few days. "Veronica" is still top dog, but still mostly because of a lack of competition. Bought a book or two with parenting naming tips and i'll scour them over the weekend, with some input from my buddies, hopefully. So far i haven't really found anything that fits me; i know, i know, MANY people have "unfitting" names but if you get the chance to choose your own name you might as well get one that's perfect, right? Then again, the only real and proper reason i'm not choosing "Rotal" is the fact that the state wouldn't let me use it (austrian naming laws are dumb as shit) so my law-name is really mostly a formality. I'm still not sure if i want my friends to just call me Rotal, though it sounds weird because i knew them loooooong before that handle was a thing.

In other news stopping the Citalopram treatment has mostly stopped the ridicioulous food cravings, with only the odd attack here and there, bringing me down to 115,5-ish kg, though circumstances made me give into McGarbage yesterday so i guess it's a bit higher today. I've decided to return back to the gym on Monday to supplement all those really good food-days i've had since i stopped taking Cital in order to maybe lose some proper numbers again.

I'm quite bummed about Rogue One only getting few showings during the week, all of them incompatible with work. I want to see it again; maybe on Caturday. Hopefully they still show it then
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  #112  
Old 02-06-2017, 10:56 AM
Bolvar Bolvar is offline

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Try a Ketogenic diet.

It does wonders for the body and mind.

Lots of resources in the Tim Ferriss podcast.
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  #113  
Old 02-06-2017, 11:17 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Try a Ketogenic diet.

It does wonders for the body and mind.

Lots of resources in the Tim Ferriss podcast.
I will look into it o7

Might as well update the thread on my shame - despite my general wish to return to the gym i haven't had any success yet, mostly sleep-related but the icey weather outside isn't doing my motivation any favors. Food has been so-so the last few days; definitely on the right track, and then stupid shit happens and suddenly my entire day's restraint's gone within five minutes of eating crap. Not enough for permanent weight gain but of course it's stopping the loss. Bah. At least i can go shopping without going completely bonkers again. It was bad while on the ADs. Couldn't pass a pack of choconated nuts without buying it to save my life.
A problem might be, to be honest, that i feel... "comfortable" really isn't the right word to use but i can't come up with a better one to describe it. I'm still anywhere between 30 and 50 kg too fat, depending on what standards you wanna use, but life is... already very different to my max weight. I can dress better (well, i could if i had the money). I can walk as long as i want (well, i could if my disc portrusion didn't exist). I can run up several flights of stairs (admittedly i am out of breath like i'm dieing afterwards but, y'know, i CAN do it). And, to introduce some TMI, i can clean myself better than before. Not that it was impossible; thankfully it never went that far. But it's nice not having to perform acrofattic movements to get yourself clean. I think... i think my problem is that i draw strength from negativity. And while my body still sucks i can at least use it now, and my hormones are within arm's reach. Shit's getting better on an objective level but subjectively it kills my energy.

I need a big bad dose of Nick Cave to get me down again. That'll help me. Dude singlehandedly kept me alive during my worst days, he'll surely help me now.

I'll try to go to the gym tomorrow. Not helped by my newest problem: i'm literally butthurt. I don't know why my butt is sore (insert your own joke, they're all good) but considering i've got a colonoscopy lined up because of occasional bloody stool i think i can make an educated guess or two. We'll see.
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  #114  
Old 02-24-2017, 06:08 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Seeing how the emperor of citrusfruitkind has finally gotten around to take away LGBT protection after vowing to protect LGBT people (likely not realizing - or caring - what the acronym stands for) trans issues have become hip to talk about again. Let me extend my offer to answer any questions and correct misconceptions you might have, either here or via PM, if you're more comfortable with that.

In personal news: nobody gives a shit where i do my business because A ) i'm austrian and nobody will care unless i do something illegal in public bathrooms, and B ) i don't use public bathrooms, because dem's filthy.

Weightloss is going attrociously, but gym visits are picking up, so that's a plus. Third time this week today; only light and short cardio stuff (15 minutes elliptical, 15 minutes stationary-bike-thing), just to get back into it (haven't been regularly in about half a year so any and all stamina it built up last year is completely gone) and train myself to go there before work again.
Weightwise i'm back up to 117,7kg (from 112 at my lowest), which is obviously disheartening. At this weight you actually ARE noticing every single kilo, i found. And can we have a talk about how UNFAIR it is that white bread is bad for your weight? I mean, it's BREAD, it doesn't even taste that good. For fuck sake.

Anyway. I've got my third statement and am thus now waiting for my next appointment, which is likely going to be little more than a five minute conversation with two additional referrals, likely the endocrynology and an urologist, if i remember correctly. And i wait FOUR FUCKING MONTHS on that.
But hey, maybe i'll lose some weight until then...

Friends have started to adress me as Veronica and using female pronouns (no idea if they're doing that in my absense though), and i plan to ask my family to at least get used to the idea very soon. I can't really "go fulltime" yet because, without hormones, there's precious little i can change to present as female. I'm already wearing as female a clothing as i could find in my size (which amounts to.... jeans, but still, it's the thought), i'm spending isotons of money on laser therapy and i simply cannot afford the speach therapy while doing the hair removal stuff because neither are covered by austrian law for transfolks, and no matter how much i listen to or read voice feminization guides and tutorials... i just don't get it. I'm not sure if it's a mechanical block or if i'm just too dumb but i'm going to need personal professional assistance with that. And fast. While i'm not fond of my body i can live with it, at least with the goal of further weightloss on the horizon. Or at least trying to. But my face and my voice... some days it gets bad. Hopeless case.

Last edited by Commander Rotal; 02-24-2017 at 06:11 AM..
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  #115  
Old 02-24-2017, 07:32 AM
Cantus Cantus is offline

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Think of speech as you would singing. You can't do it on your own because you can't actually hear the sound of your own voice. Harder still, the voice you hear is the one you'll be used to for several years yet, so you naturally trend back towards using that familiar sound despite not wanting to.

Even if you can't afford speech therapy, go talk to folks who work in the singing/opera world. They may be able to give you a few voice tips or point you to some resources you can use to work on it.

The weight thing...yeah, it just takes time. Months and years sound agonizing, but they go by fast when you get into a rhythm of exercise and just life in general. That said, the other thing you have to do is learn to feel hungry and enjoy bitter tastes. Black coffee/tea (yes even European coffee) is 30-60 kcal/cup less than adding sugar and milk/creamer. Two of those and that's a slice of bread you can eat (or choose not to) elsewhere.

Keep it up and the mirror will make more sense over time.
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  #116  
Old 02-24-2017, 07:38 AM
GenyaArikado GenyaArikado is offline

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Eugh, lose weight ffs. We already have plenty of fat german women.

With
- Genya

Last edited by GenyaArikado; 02-24-2017 at 07:40 AM..
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  #117  
Old 03-19-2018, 10:56 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Well looky that, last update was before i got my hormones and now i (well, almost) got a hormone-baby! Eight months of HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), with nine months celebrated in about ten days (screw February). Ish.

So apparently Austria doesn't get any fancy pills or injections; i HAVE to use Estrogel, a notoriously hard to get, well, gel, and as it IS hard to get it tends to have delivery issues. As in: it likes to be unavailable in entire countries for months a time, which is why i'm currently experiencing a bit of a stopgap in my hormonal development: it's out of stock and not available in Austria for a good month now, and only over a week after i ran out, during a checkup, did they deign to tell me that there's a homebrew-alternate-prescription that my pharmacy has to mix up. So i've been using that, and OH BOY apparently getting that approved was a hassle for my doctor's secretary. NOTHING is easy as a transperson, it seems.
Short Story short: i've been up to 120-ish with my Estrogen (i forgot what unit of measurement that uses, but i'm supposed to be "above 40" for my body to do anything) already, and thanks to the gap i've been down to 22 during my last checkup (the results of which i have to wait for three weeks every single damn time, because not even wasting my time waiting for mail is easy). That's about where i started; i'm fairly sure that's below cis-male levels. Point is: it sucks. I'm a fat unicorn, apparently.

Oh, and yeah, they didn't joke when they said i'd gain wait. Almost back up 150. Mostly depression. Which isn't helped by the hormones. It's hard to explain but they amplify emotions. They don't create new ones, or change how you feel about things, but Estrogen allows you to.... *connect*, for lack of a better word, to your emotions. Problem is if you're suicidally depressed that mostly leads to a lot of crying on the toilet, in bed and in front of your monitor, also busses, basically everywhere. I doesn't feel WRONG but it's.... inconvenient. And has also stopped, because of aforementioned gap. I have to get a new blood work done; i'm fairly sure the replacement gel is not working.

Let's have some fun with TMI stuff!
My sex drive has gone! Hooray! (no really, that's a relieve. I'm a fan of that.)
Buuuut while every other transgirl gets the famous female orgasm after a while on hormones... i don't. When my sex drive fucked off it took my ability to with it. Doctor says it's likely because i have naturally low testosterone; by the time we decided to do something about it she said i had less T than her. So we cut' my T-Blockers, except that hasn't really worked, my T has barely risen. Comming up on 9 months dry spell, what fun!
Also it's apparently not a super-common thing, but it CAN happen if your meds are shittily set up, aaaand you practically don't find anything about it via google. So, dear future reader, if you've stumbled across this via googling anorgasmia, don't be alarmed - it's a thing. Ask your doctor. You're welcome.
An unexpected outcome: for a long while i literally couldn't get angry, even if i was or knew i normally would. This has changed a little to let me be A LITTLE angry but it's barely worth talking about. It's not a great feeling, kind of feels like a dog-muzzle-thing. Feels like you're watching someone else being angry for me. It sucks. Not because i like being angry - i don't - but because it just feels wrong. It's the one part that doesn't work for me. (I don't think it's super healthy either.) It's gotten a little better but i suspect it'll go away again once my proper medication is available again.

Also it might be nerve damage from the Diabetis, but those Doctors say i didn't have it nearly long enough for any nerve damage. So.... we'll see.

In better news: i've had my legal gender change (called "Personenstandänderung") two weeks ago, and i'll get my documents for the name change to Veronica tomorrow morning. New passport will set me back 75 bucks and 5 days of waiting. Again, what fun.
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  #118  
Old 03-20-2018, 11:33 AM
C9H20 C9H20 is offline

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Well that seems like a struggle and a half, but at least you are making steady progress. And you did what you needed to do to live a happy life so stick with it and it should only get better from there.
Also am I reading this right, you gained 30 kilos in a year? That's pretty crazy, them hormones be nuts yo.

Anyway good luck to you and keep in touch ya' hear?

Last edited by C9H20; 03-20-2018 at 11:41 AM..
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  #119  
Old 03-20-2018, 12:54 PM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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Quote:
Originally Posted by C9H20 View Post
Also am I reading this right, you gained 30 kilos in a year? That's pretty crazy, them hormones be nuts yo.
More like twenty, it's been building up for a while, but, yeah... not going great. I was going to get a bypass but they judged my mentally unstable so operatsies for me. 'least i can justify my fatness by being medically insane now.
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  #120  
Old 03-20-2018, 01:05 PM
Nazja Nazja is offline

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I wish things were going more smoothly for you, but I'm glad to hear you're finally over the legal hurdles and are now going by your chosen name.
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  #121  
Old 03-20-2018, 02:48 PM
Krainz Krainz is offline

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How weird does the process of getting used to a new name feel like?

Especially considering you've lived a few decades with another one, albeit never liking it.
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Old 03-20-2018, 03:18 PM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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How weird does the process of getting used to a new name feel like?

Especially considering you've lived a few decades with another one, albeit never liking it.
Not that hard, it just takes a while. Truth be told i've stopped properly identifying with my original name a long time ago, i've been thinking of myself as Rotal for quite some time already, simply because i spend so much time using it. It's also the name i identify as my "female name" more than Veronica, because i had to find a "proper" one for the legal change - they only accept names you can actually prove exist.
As a result, the choice isn't all that old so it's still kinda weird to hear. Especialyl since barely anyone actually uses it yet, it's mostly "you" or, in the case of my father, my old name. He's a dick.
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Old 03-20-2018, 07:31 PM
GenyaArikado GenyaArikado is offline

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I told you to stop getting fat and you went and gained 30kg more

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Old 03-21-2018, 03:06 AM
Commander Rotal Commander Rotal is offline

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I told you to stop getting fat and you went and gained 30kg more

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  #125  
Old 03-21-2018, 07:51 PM
GenyaArikado GenyaArikado is offline

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Obviously i am not, that's why you're more fat

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