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Old 11-06-2011, 05:57 AM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Default Anachronos' Journey: The Timeless Heir

Anachronos' Journey: The Timeless Heir

Anachronos' Journey is your typical fantasy tale, with a "nice" detail. Time-travel will be heavily involved, which will allow the story to jump between different places and timelines easily, changing the setting with each arc, and giving some variety.

Nozdormu appoints his heir for a travel across time, to test his abilities, as well as investigate some mysterious rifts and alterations in the timeline. Anachronos will eventually meet the infinite dragons, who are wreaking havoc across the existence, and he will have to stop them.

Index
*Musings (here)
*Introduction:
**Morning sunlight (here)
**Don't eat before the journey
*Chapter 1 (coming soon)
*Chapter 2 (coming soon)
*Chapter 3 (coming soon)
*Chapter 4 (coming soon)
*Chapter 5 (coming soon)
*Chapter 6 (coming soon)
*Chapter 7 (coming soon)
*Chapter 8 (coming soon)
*Chapter 9 (coming soon)
*Chapter 10 (coming soon)
*Chapter 11 (coming soon)

Musings (scroll down and ignore if you want to start reading)

Whoa, my first public fanfic . So, what can you expect from this? First of all, I wanted to write something about time-travel and bronze dragons since some time ago (no pun intended). I had sketches and whatnot, about bronze dragons chasing infinite dragons across the timelines, in an endless journey.

Finally, I decided to use Anachronos, being the heir of Nozdormu and all. He would travel in time and correct the timelines, and defeat the infinites and their allies, most of the time people moved outside of their time by the infinites so they wreak havoc around, while they eat popcorn and watch the show.

But it was just that, an idea. However, today I got some inspiration, and I already have some basic idea on what to write, and how. Unfortunately, it was a bit "boring", and it needed something more, so I tried introducing dragonsworns in each event, mortals that helped Anachronos and were appointed as Time Watchers, but it didn't work too well, so instead, I'm going to use a gang of time-travelers, from criminals to collateral victims, that join Anachronos, and he, aside from repairing timelines, must bring them back to their places.

And yes, expect Doctor Who jokes all along, but I promise I won't abuse. I may inspire a bit on it on the group themes, but I initially thought all of this before I knew wtf the series was (in fact, I planned to submit this for the penultimate writing contest, but I didn't finish it on time). If you read detective novels usually, you may discover some references around, too.

Well, let's start! Chapters will usually be short, but I will try to post often . This is just an introduction to see reactions and where this could go:

Introduction: Morning sunlight

Tanaris, first years of peace after the Third War.

The morning sun was bathing the sands of Tanaris. Atop a hill, a bronze dragon watched over the landscape, fascinated at how the light slowly advanced through the dunes, banishing the darkness from the land.

As the last shadows of the desert vanished into the day, the fluttering of another of his kind made him turn east, back to where the sun rose each morning, and back to where his dragonflight made their home.

“Early riser as always, my son” smiled the female, landing near him. “I never miss the first rays of sunlight, and I couldn’t live without the vigor their warmth gives me” smiled the son. She followed his eyes, and sighed. “And always your vigil ends to the west, to that cursed city…”

Ahn’Qiraj. The name of the cursed city froze his veins, and then pure rage and hatred shattered the ice and burnt across his body. Ten thousand years ago, blue, green, red and bronze dragons joined the night elves against the qiraji, an evil force trying to consume the world. They “won”, more or less. The qiraji threat was unstoppable, and so, he himself, together with the night elf druid, sealed the city and froze the terrors inside, until some day they would be able to finally defeat them for good. Many died during the war, and some were trapped alive inside the city together with the qiraji. If only he hadn’t refused to help in the first place...

“Anachronos” his mother spoke his name, concern on her eyes. His attention came back to the present. “The sun always banishes the darkness in its path, but it won’t ever banish the darkness of that accursed place” replied her. “The mortals have signed the end of the Third War, you should rejoice at the present, and forget the past”. “My past and my future are my present, mother, as are yours and any other bronze dragons’”. “Oh, come on... no, it’s my fault for asking” smiled at him, and he smiled back at her.

She turned serious again. “Your father wants to speak with you, it’s important”.

Continue reading here: http://www.scrollsoflore.com/forums/...8&postcount=14
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~

Last edited by Lon-ami; 11-10-2011 at 09:54 AM..
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Old 11-06-2011, 02:16 PM
AndyJP AndyJP is offline

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It's about damn time you brought your big bag of ideas to the fan fiction board...I look forward to reading more of this!
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Old 11-06-2011, 05:23 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Yay Bronze Dragon time! Ori approves. I'm very excited to read more, now MUSH! *cracks whip*
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Old 11-07-2011, 10:20 AM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Thanks to both of you .

I guess now I'm writing I should start posting on the other fanfics I read, I'm always lazy to xD.

Some corrections to Introduction:

"couldn't live with the" changed to "couldn't live without the" (typo).

"trapped inside" changed to "trapped alive inside" (to leave clear they are alive).

I may change this one, too:
“Your father wants to speak with you, it’s important”.
“Your father wants to speak with you. It’s important”.

Which one feels better?

I will write chapter 1 later if I get inspired .
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~

Last edited by Lon-ami; 11-07-2011 at 11:00 AM..
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:44 PM
Nozdormu Nozdormu is offline

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
“Oh, come on... no, it’s my fault for asking” smiled him, and he smiled her back.
Might just be me, but this sounds kinda wrong.




I'm interested in seeing what kind of adventures you've got planned for my son.
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Old 11-08-2011, 06:23 AM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nozdormu View Post
Might just be me, but this sounds kinda wrong.




I'm interested in seeing what kind of adventures you've got planned for my son.
Yeah, just notice. "Smile AT him/her" is better, nope?

I try my best but I'm not native and I have those kind of typos .
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~
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Old 11-08-2011, 08:18 AM
Nozdormu Nozdormu is offline

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I think it should be "She smiled at him, and he smiled back (at her).", but you could also be more creative and write something like "She gave him a smile, and he returned it."


Don't worry, Darkangel is probably going to be here soon. He'll help you out.
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Old 11-09-2011, 02:30 PM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Sooo, I'm nearly done writing the main script for the first "season". My current plan is 11 chapters, each one its own start-end storyline.

I already managed to make sense out of the timeline to create an evil character that chases Anachronos backwards, or something like that. It's weird to explain xDDD.

If you have any "would like Anachronos to visit it" place, now it's the time to post those places here, so I can check if they're cool and add them. Note that the present of the story is pre-WoW and post-TFT. I want "future" scenarios as well, past only would get boring. I've 2 chapters I'm not so sure about, so you could give me one cool setting and I'd write for it.

I'm not sure if I should "spoil" the names of the chapters I have planned, I think they're cool and I would love if I was the reader and got them, but I think some could be better as "surprise". Maybe I should make the names even more cryptic so I make your heads hurt xDDD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nozdormu View Post
Don't worry, Darkangel is probably going to be here soon. He'll help you out.
Yeah, would be a great honor to have him here .
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~
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Old 11-09-2011, 02:43 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Mydrassil
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Old 11-09-2011, 03:01 PM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orifiel Whitedeer View Post
Mydrassil
Explain? D: xDDD.

From one of your stories? link it, I don't remember it, or maybe I didn't read it yet.

Edit: Lol I haven't reached that point yet xDDD.
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~

Last edited by Lon-ami; 11-09-2011 at 03:22 PM..
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Old 11-09-2011, 03:46 PM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Explain? D: xDDD.

From one of your stories? link it, I don't remember it, or maybe I didn't read it yet.

Edit: Lol I haven't reached that point yet xDDD.
Lol only been writing it for a year! Its ok it was meant mostly as a joke buuuuut if you feel like going and READING Straydog Saga it will answer your question
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:22 AM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Well, I'm going to post the "preview/teaser":

1-The Dream of the Tree (First years of peace after the Third War)
2-Code Omega (War against the Lich King)
3-Calm before the Swarm (First weeks before the War of the Shifting Sands)
4-
5-Riders on the Maelstrom (Exile of the High Elves)
6-Ocular Mirages (Aftermath of the Shattering)
7-Insect Strom (Years after the Troll Wars)
8-
9-
10-Curse of Stone (Distant future)
11-Let's save Azshara (Years before the War of the Ancients)

I have 3 chapters I haven't decided yet, and suggestions are welcomed (I want 2 past and 1 future, but everything is welcomed).

I'm already working on the first chapter. I'm not sure if I'll get to post it as a single post, or if I should post parts of it. Maybe I could move the beginning of it to the introduction.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orifiel Whitedeer View Post
Lol only been writing it for a year! Its ok it was meant mostly as a joke buuuuut if you feel like going and READING Straydog Saga it will answer your question
I don't read the fanfic forum too much, and when I do I like to read whole stories to avoid "I don't remember what this was about" situations. I'll need a lot of free time to read your entire story xDDD.
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~

Last edited by Lon-ami; 11-10-2011 at 07:33 AM..
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:47 AM
Orifiel Whitedeer Orifiel Whitedeer is offline

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Well either way, I'll read your story. I heart the bronze flight :3
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Old 11-10-2011, 09:51 AM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Here we go:

Introduction: Don't eat before the journey

The Caverns of Time were the lair of the Bronze dragonflight, and the perfect testament of the power of their owners. Anachronos flew across arches of purple stone over a floor of sand, a path floating in the middle of his kind’s natural dimension. Between the rocks, pieces of different times stood frozen, eternal and unalterable.

The path enlarged at its end, leading to a vast cavern with an enormous sand clock in the middle of it. The roof was open, showing the surrounding space in all its glory. His brothers and sisters walked around, busy with their own tasks. A female reached to him.

“Son! I was about to go call you, glad I found you fast” she smiled. “Yes, I’m where I can always be found, mother.” “See you later, then, and good luck with your father”. Her mother disappeared in a flash of sand. Time was something... complicated to those not versed on its arts. An ignorant mortal would have been confused at the sight of meeting someone, and then meeting him again, leaving to speak with him in the past. For Anachronos, this was just each day’s routine. As his friend Chronormu usually said, “We don’t go insane because we don’t even have the time to”.

Another appearance of his mother, talking with Andormu and Nozari, called his attention, and pointed upwards, winking at him. Anachronos leapt upwards, and followed the direction of his mother’s finger.

The Caverns of Time were secure, but wandering the dimension surrounding it could be dangerous for even a bronze dragon. “The flux is beautiful, don’t you think, Anachronos?” Two dragons were sitting in a nearby cliff, watching the currents of time at the horizon, distant and close at the same time. “I think the Ancient is searching his father, Zidormi” replied her partner. “Yes, he’s always so hard to locate, Zaladormu” laughed him back. “Any piece of advice?” asked them. “Try looking... around there” pointed the female. “I sense a wise powerful presence there”. “Thanks, both of you” bowed Anachronos, before flying away once again.

It was true. Lately, his father, Nozdormu, Dragon Aspect and leader of the Bronze dragonflight, had been more elusive and absent than usual. It wasn’t something good, he suspected, and he wondered if his call had something to do with it.

He landed atop a considerably big floating rock, raising sand around him. He sensed part of that presence, too, but he wasn’t sure about it. Looking around, his gaze ran into a flash of grey, disappearing beyond the corner of his eyes. Before he could check it better, a dragon appeared before him.

“So, you’re finally here. Ancient, but young, as always” smiled his father. “The Ancient” was Anachronos title, and his father, used to call him youngling, usually joked about it. “I came as fast as possible, my lord” bowed Anachronos. “Oh, boy, leave the courtesies here, now that we’re alone, father and son. Know why I sent your mother after you?” “No idea... which is curious, I guess” answered him. “Exactly. As you know, you’re bound to replace me some day. Don’t look at me like that, there’s still plenty of time for me, but dark times are about to come, and I want to make sure you are able to help your mother lead the dragonflight and protect our home successfully if I’m not there, if I’m busy elsewhere, when that happens, if it happens, of course”.

Anachronos was caught off guard, and needed some seconds to fully understand the message. “Okay, what should I do, then?” he asked. “I have a small... adventure for you. Something’s wrong on the timeline, I’m sure you have noticed in your short journey here. “Yes, the flux looks... more wild than usual”. “I want you to travel back and forth, and find everything you can about this incident. There could be someone pulling the strings, so you should be careful.” He said. “Who will come with me?”

“No one will, no dragon, at least.” Nozdormu replied. He made a movement with his claw and summoned a strange artifact. “Malygos helped me empower this. It should let you travel safely across the timelines, attaching you to this reality, your timeline, so you don’t get trapped in another reality, shall the incident grow worse and your own past self affected by it, affecting you in consequence.” His father gave him a golden medallion, with a blue gem in its middle. “Alexstrasza and Ysera gave her blessings, too, so this medallion will lend you their powers if you need them, but don’t spend its powers unless it’s necessary. Don’t worry about using it to travel, it has plenty of energy and magic inside, and you won’t be able to spend them all even if you insist. Malygos was generous, and of course, I left all I could, too.”

“Okay. Journey. Medallion. Fix whatever is making the flux be so nervous. Seems like an easy task. I guess you want to prove me, and that’s why I’m to go alone”. “Not really, the medallion works for only one of us, and it’s specially made for you, to make it work at full potency. However, I understand your concern. You would better find a mortal companion to cover your back.”

“A mortal? No way! They would probably step into their own ameba ancestor and affect their entire species with chronic baldness, if they don’t remove themselves from existence before, that is. I can bear working with them on a static timeline, but traveling with them? I’m not sure if it’s ever been done before. At least, not with those without deemed abilities, tested thoroughly, and I don’t think I’ll be able to find and test the worth of anyone in under less than years!”

“Trust me, you’ll be fine. I already have a starting point for your journey, and I’m sure you’ll find an old friend there, more than able to help you in your quest.” He tried to interrupt him, but he continued speaking. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll show you how to use this beauty. Just hold it in your hands, and close your eyes. Let your instinct detect the errors in the timeline, and focus on your destination.” Anachronos did as he said, upset at his father’s previous request.

Suddenly, a golden rift appeared in front of him. “This rift is a secure portal to your destination. As I told you before, you must not use your natural abilities to travel across time, only the medallion, or your security could be compromised.” The rift looked so pure and calm. “I understand”. “You’re ready to leave?” “Yes, but before that, about the companion, I-“ a gust of sand hit Anachronos and pushed him against the rift.

Anachronos start to fell through the rift, and he heard the cheerful voice of his father in the distance. “Get a companion, or you won’t accomplish this quest! Ah, also, the rifts are temporal, so you’d better enter them quick, and make sure no one manipulates them! Try not eating too much before using them, too, or it could be, well, nasty! Or well, maybe it’s a good idea to eat something after all, the travel across the rift could take some days! Whatever! Gooood journeeeeey! Take care!”

Anachronos hated being interrupted, but he knew his father would have been right after all, no matter what he could have answered, so he resigned himself and shaped to a human form while he fell through the rift. He would make sure not to disappoint him, hoping he would still be there to see him return.

Continue reading here: (Coming soon)

Don't hesitate to give feedback, even if it's negative .
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Metzen: They are one of the ancient races of Northrend that we haven't spoken of before... because we hadn't made them up before. (laughter)

~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
~Locations as zones series: Azjol-Nerub, Barrow Deeps, Zul'Aman, Demon Hunter zone, Caverns of Time~

Last edited by Lon-ami; 11-10-2011 at 09:54 AM..
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Old 11-14-2011, 08:27 PM
DarkAngel DarkAngel is offline

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The Timeless One has invoked my name! All shall fear me and despair! Sorry it took so long to get to this; there's been a lot of activity lately! I want to start by saying that you were one of the people who gave me my initial lore baptism back on the BlizzPlanet Forums. Yes, I've been lurking that long. (hence avatar) Working with you would be an honor.

I took pocos clases de Espanol en colegio y universidad, pero no recuerdo mucho. (American schools REALLY need to start teaching foriegn languages earlier...) We never got far enough to read literature, so you'll have to forgive my ignorance of Spanish conventions (or Catalan, as the case may be).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
“Early riser as always, my son” smiled the female, landing near him. “I never miss the first rays of sunlight, and I couldn’t live without the vigor their warmth gives me” smiled the son.
Two things stick out here. First, in English, 'smile' is something one person does "to/at" another; more like 'point' (apuntar). The exception is if you're Ori Dubya, in which case you can do whatever you want. Second, the usual convention is that new speakers begin on new lines to avoid confusion about where one stops and another begins.

The general sentence structure for dialogue: "Blah blah," said speaker. (A comma separates the words said from the action of saying them.)

Quote:
together with the night elf druid
Were you planning to insert Fandral's name in there?
  • blue, green, red, and bronze dragons
  • They “won,” more or less.
  • spoke his name, concern in her eyes.
  • that accursed place” she replied.
  • “The mortals have signed the end of the Third War. You should rejoice at the present, and forget the past.”
  • any other bronze dragon’s.”
  • speak with you; it’s important.”

Since this happened so many times, I'll just say it: other punctuation goes inside quotes.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
The Caverns of Time were secure, but wandering the dimension surrounding it could be dangerous for even a bronze dragon. “The flux is beautiful, don’t you think, Anachronos?” Two dragons were sitting in a nearby cliff, watching the currents of time at the horizon, distant and close at the same time. “I think the Ancient is searching his father, Zidormi” replied her partner. “Yes, he’s always so hard to locate, Zaladormu” laughed him back. “Any piece of advice?” asked them. “Try looking... around there” pointed the female. “I sense a wise powerful presence there”. “Thanks, both of you” bowed Anachronos, before flying away once again.
This is a place where the lack of new lines makes this nearly unintelligible. A lot hinges on who asked for advice, and you gave no hints at all!

I suppose we've never seen what Dragons do when they aren't being watched, but Nozdormu seems awfully...friendly with Anachronos; playful, even. I'd always pictured it that having so many children would create distance, but it's your story.

Quote:
It should let you travel safely across the timelines, attaching you to this reality, your timeline, so you don’t get trapped in another reality, shall the incident grow worse and your own past self affected by it, affecting you in consequence.”
As I said, I don't know what the convention is in Spanish, but a sentence like this is just too complicated to drop all at once. Could you break this up somehow?

Quote:
At least, not with those without deemed abilities, tested thoroughly;
That word isn't used like that. Did you mean 'judged?' 'Proven?' 'Tested?'

Quote:
Anachronos did as he said, upset at his father’s previous request.
If he was upset, wouldn't that be a reason not to comply?
  • searching for his father
  • leader of the Bronze Dragonflight
  • a considerably large floating rock 'Big' is more of an informal word.
  • finally here; ancient, but young,
  • “The Ancient” was Anachronos' title
  • used to calling him a youngling,
  • “No one will; no dragon, at least,” Nozdormu replied.
  • in another reality should the incident grow worse
  • I guess you want to prove myself
  • if they don’t remove themselves from existence first, that is.
  • tested thoroughly; and I don’t think I’ll be able
  • in under less than ? years!” Have a number in mind?
  • Anachronos started to fall through
  • the rifts are temporary, so you’d better use them quickly,

It's a solid start. The main thing that leaves me confused is the tone. How much of this is supposed to make sense, and how much is supposed to be funny?

You beat the campaign on Brutal? *bows in respect*
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Old 11-15-2011, 05:47 AM
Lon-ami Lon-ami is offline

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
The Timeless One has invoked my name! All shall fear me and despair! Sorry it took so long to get to this; there's been a lot of activity lately! I want to start by saying that you were one of the people who gave me my initial lore baptism back on the BlizzPlanet Forums. Yes, I've been lurking that long. (hence avatar) Working with you would be an honor.
I know I remembered you from somewhere xD. A pity there's no archive of it, there was good people and good posts there .

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
I took pocos clases de Espanol en colegio y universidad, pero no recuerdo mucho. (American schools REALLY need to start teaching foriegn languages earlier...) We never got far enough to read literature, so you'll have to forgive my ignorance of Spanish conventions (or Catalan, as the case may be).
Nah, I'm from Basque Land, so no Catalan . Ignore the conventions anyway, fix everything you find!

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
Two things stick out here. First, in English, 'smile' is something one person does "to/at" another; more like 'point' (apuntar). The exception is if you're Ori Dubya, in which case you can do whatever you want. Second, the usual convention is that new speakers begin on new lines to avoid confusion about where one stops and another begins.

The general sentence structure for dialogue: "Blah blah," said speaker. (A comma separates the words said from the action of saying them.)

Were you planning to insert Fandral's name in there?
1-Good to know, I didn't use the "at".
2-That would waste too much space, nope? :S the comma thing is nice. In Spanish we use "-" to separate sentences, so I had to watch fic around to guess how eng did it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
  • blue, green, red, and bronze dragons
  • They “won,” more or less.
  • spoke his name, concern in her eyes.
  • that accursed place” she replied.
  • “The mortals have signed the end of the Third War. You should rejoice at the present, and forget the past.”
  • any other bronze dragon’s.”
  • speak with you; it’s important.”

Since this happened so many times, I'll just say it: other punctuation goes inside quotes.
Fine. As for the last line (punctuation inside quotes) I think don't understand it well, mind clarifying with an example?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
This is a place where the lack of new lines makes this nearly unintelligible. A lot hinges on who asked for advice, and you gave no hints at all!
Yeah, I noticed it too when I wrote it, but I didn't want something like: "Hi" said Nozdormu. "Hi" said Zaladormu. "You well?" said Nozdormu. "Yes, and you?" said Zaladormu. I wanted to "imply who was talking, but seems I overcomplicated it. What about this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
I suppose we've never seen what Dragons do when they aren't being watched, but Nozdormu seems awfully...friendly with Anachronos; playful, even. I'd always pictured it that having so many children would create distance, but it's your story.
Anachronos is his heir, and well, Nozdormu is weird sometimes. He's also over-kind because he's going to ask something from his heir. Maybe I should reflect it with a line like "He was acting too kind, so Anachronos expected something asked from him". But well, I already noted he wanted something of him, so well. He could be trying to be happy in purpose, because reality isn't happy.

I guess I'll elaborate on his character more later. I want some touches of insanity around him, that only show clearly when he's with his own brethren, in a setting he trusts and where he isn't cautious.

For all we know, dragons could play ball games during their free time xD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Revision time!
The Caverns of Time were secure, but wandering the dimension surrounding it could be dangerous for even a bronze dragon. “The flux is beautiful, don’t you think, Anachronos?” Two dragons, male and female, were sitting in a nearby cliff, watching the currents of time at the horizon, distant and close at the same time. “I think the Ancient is searching his father, Zidormi” replied the male. “Yes, he’s always so hard to locate, Zaladormu” laughed back Zidormi. “Any piece of advice?” Anachronos asked them. “Try looking... around there” pointed Zidormi. “I sense a wise powerful presence there”. “Thanks, both of you” bowed Anachronos, before flying away once again.
Better?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
As I said, I don't know what the convention is in Spanish, but a sentence like this is just too complicated to drop all at once. Could you break this up somehow?
Part of it is on purpose (I want Nozdormu to show some signs of "insanity" or just excentricity). If you feel it's out of context with the rest of his speech, I'll divide it in two.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
That word isn't used like that. Did you mean 'judged?' 'Proven?' 'Tested?'
Proven should be right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
If he was upset, wouldn't that be a reason not to comply?
How do I say then "being angry/upset but obeying anyway"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
  • searching for his father
  • leader of the Bronze Dragonflight
  • a considerably large floating rock 'Big' is more of an informal word.
  • finally here; ancient, but young,
  • “The Ancient” was Anachronos' title
  • used to calling him a youngling,
  • “No one will; no dragon, at least,” Nozdormu replied.
  • in another reality should the incident grow worse
  • I guess you want to prove myself
  • if they don’t remove themselves from existence first, that is.
  • tested thoroughly; and I don’t think I’ll be able
  • in under less than ? years!” Have a number in mind?
  • Anachronos started to fall through
  • the rifts are temporary, so you’d better use them quickly,
Thanks .

Anyway, "dragonflight" could be lower case, nope? It's just like "Frostwolf clan". At least, these are the naming conventions on WoWPedia.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
It's a solid start. The main thing that leaves me confused is the tone. How much of this is supposed to make sense, and how much is supposed to be funny?
I'm not sure xDDD.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAngel View Post
You beat the campaign on Brutal? *bows in respect*
Not a big feat, really .

And yeah, thanks for everything. Will fix all the typos later. By the way, you didn't say anything about the first part (first post of the thread), is it ok?
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~Main: Expansion theorycrafting, Expansions list, The Age of Nightmare, Empire of the Tides (coming soon)~
~Fan ficton: Anachronos Journey: The Timeless Heir~ ~Geography of continents series: Old Kalimdor (original), Pandaria~
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Old 11-18-2011, 06:32 PM
DarkAngel DarkAngel is offline

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Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
I know I remembered you from somewhere xD. A pity there's no archive of it, there was good people and good posts there .
I never posted a word until I registered here. You must be thinking of someone else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Nah, I'm from Basque Land, so no Catalan . Ignore the conventions anyway, fix everything you find!
So you've been building bombs, then? I could swear someone was trying to annoy people at some point by not using Castillan. Maybe it wasn't you...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
2-That would waste too much space, nope? :S the comma thing is nice. In Spanish we use "-" to separate sentences, so I had to watch fic around to guess how eng did it.
Really? They must have been changing our books!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Fine. As for the last line (punctuation inside quotes) I think don't understand it well, mind clarifying with an example?
There are four examples in the quote right above where you said this. Somebody — around the time of Gutenburg, I think — decided it looked bad for commas and periods to be left "haning in space." The convention came to be putting quotation marks on the outside of end-sentence puntuation. That means:
  • You just "walked in?"
  • "I did it because I felt like it," he said.
  • "Don't go over there."

EDIT: Reading this again, you were refering to the semicolon, weren't you? Perhaps I shouldn't have put that there because it's kind of an "advanced topic." It was just the way that required the least change of what you'd already written. The semicolon ';' can be thought of as somewhere between a strong comma or a weak period. That ambiguity can be useful because the boundries between sentences are not always clear. Examples can be hard to find because this mark is increasingly falling out of use in modern language.
  • Your father wants to speak with you; it’s important.
This is a "weak period" usage. We have two ideas, that although seperate, are so closely related that they might be said without "taking a breath," in a manner of speaking.
  • Something must be wrong with the weapons banks; very wrong.
This is a "strong comma" usage. Because the extra modifier is tacked on to the end of the sentence in a grammatically incorrect way, it can't be added with a comma. However, it can't be made into a stand-alone sentence because it has no verb (and no subject for that matter).
There are also conventional uses; most notably that any list of items that contain commas is separated by semicolons instead.
  • Kizer, Betty; Gilbert, Steve; Marshall, Jeanette
The most familiar use is actually the most recent: computer programming.
  • var xnum = 2;

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Yeah, I noticed it too when I wrote it, but I didn't want something like: "Hi" said Nozdormu. "Hi" said Zaladormu. "You well?" said Nozdormu. "Yes, and you?" said Zaladormu. I wanted to "imply who was talking, but seems I overcomplicated it. What about this?
More like this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
The Caverns of Time were secure, but wandering the dimension surrounding it could be dangerous for even a bronze dragon. “The flux is beautiful, don’t you think, Anachronos?” Two dragons were sitting on a nearby cliff, watching the currents of time at the horizon, distant and close at the same time.

“I think the Ancient is searching his father, Zidormi” replied her partner.
“Yes, he’s always so hard to locate,” she laughed back.

“Any piece of advice?” Anachronos asked them.
“Try looking... around there,” the female pointed. “I sense a wise, powerful presence there”.

“Thanks, both of you,” bowed Anachronos, before flying away once again.
It's not about giving a name everytime someone speaks; it's about giving a clear indication that the one speaking has changed. You do bring up a good point that it's a good idea to have multiple "names" for everyone in a scene. Repetition can get annoying, after all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Part of it is on purpose (I want Nozdormu to show some signs of "insanity" or just excentricity). If you feel it's out of context with the rest of his speech, I'll divide it in two.
I'll give you that. Nozdormu should be kind of "out there." It can be hard to tell what's a slip and what's deliberate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
How do I say then "being angry/upset but obeying anyway"?
You just need to note the conflict between Anachronos' action and his better judgement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Anachronos was unsure of his father’s previous request, but did as he said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
Anyway, "dragonflight" could be lower case, nope? It's just like "Frostwolf clan". At least, these are the naming conventions on WoWPedia.
Common noun: Which dragonflight do you belong to? Proper noun: I'm with the Bronze Dragonflight. See the difference?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lon-ami View Post
By the way, you didn't say anything about the first part (first post of the thread), is it ok?
Did you miss the first half of the post? You won't find the first set of bullets in the introduction! EDIT: Wait, they're both labeled "introduction." That could get confusing...
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